S.O.S.

You live in a shelter built from your own truth. There's so many things you don't want me to know.

I can't help but to feel like I'm in the dark. This little inkling of intuition won't leave me alone. But it's only a gut feeling, and there's no proof...

Yet.

I'm used to being vague on this blog because I don't know who will see it (refer to above statement), but that last thing I posted was direct on purpose. I've had the suspicion for awhile now that maybe Jack knows about this place. I probably left it pulled up on my laptop one time when he came over. That's the only way he'd know about it. So that last post was for myself and... my readers? Just so we're all on the same page. I'm keeping you properly informed as I report on this next big move I'm about to make. But I also said it outright as a cry for help... If Jack sees it, I'd like him to address it. Ya know, help me out here... throw me a bone... even though I don't deserve it.

And I thought that was exactly what happened tonight (last night if you're referring to the date on this post) when I received a FB message from him out of the blue that said, "I need an answer to a question." I thought, "This is it. He knows. Shit is about to go down." I panicked for a second and then mentally prepared for what I expected to be a hard conversation. After the initial panicking, I was calm and ready for the conversation... and then it turned out just to be a silly question pertaining to a conversation he was having with his friend.

And with that, I was a bit disappointed. It would make this so much easier for me if he would just bring it up. He brought up that "are you sleeping with anyone else" conversation after I made vague posts on this blog that suggested I was involved with someone new a few months ago.

I'm just tired of this. I get it: I could sleep with anyone I wanted to.

I don't want to anymore.

I want to cast out all the lies and hiding and secrecy. I'm really trying for once in my life.

And I'm trying not to lose hope.