I've been mostly off my medicine for awhile, and it makes me feel like absolute shit. Idk if I would say suicidal,  like friends of mine have said in the past, but it's a sbow day, and I've been sleeping the majority of the day. I've drank half a bottle of whiskey to calm the brain vibrations. And I've taken half the amount of drugs as David has. I quit taking my meds so I would feel the full effects of mushrooms, but I'm so fucking depressed that I don't care anymore.... lol. 

So I've been sleeping and drinking off and on all day. And now I'm on idea how many grams of "mushroom" gummies. I'm taking a bubble bath and mostly feel sleepy and nauseous... and somehow its still better than the brain hurt. I see why going off meds makes people suicidal. Jesus Christ. 

I decided to be honest about how I'm feeling lately. 

I'm disappointed in David in a lot of ways. It would kill him to know that, so I only bring up my feelings when certain things come to a boil. I guess?  I thought the sec was great. Well, it's fallen off to be nonexistent.  I think his relationship with his boss is weird and inappropriate, but he defends it tooth and nail. I don't feel like going into detail.  Maybe when they are off gallivanting in Florida for David's birthday, I'll spill my guts on this. Too sleepy now. 

The job I have on again, off again loved/hated for 10 whole years has come to an end. I'm looking to change my whole career. When I bring up something like going back to school, David respond immediately,  "you'll hate it." Instead of being supportive.  It brings me down and makes me want to do it even more oit of spite... until I learned it costs $13k for a whole year. I hate it here. 

Battery is dying both digitally and mentally. Who knows when I'll write again.