More than you, I'm angry with myself
He's treating me the same way you did
And I hate the way it makes me feel
I hate that it even affects me
I don't want to treat him
The way I treated you
But I can only take so much
When I know I can get so much more
And I hate where my mind goes
When I jump to conclusions
And I hate being confused
But I think what gets me the most
Is not knowing
I don't really want to talk about it.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
The Monster I Have Become
"I've settled in to a feeling I hope never passes; I am afraid but I couldn't admit that to you."
Something about me doesn't like what I'm becoming... but at the same time I hope it doesn't change.
Something about me doesn't like what I'm becoming... but at the same time I hope it doesn't change.
Monday, June 10, 2013
The Month of May
So, here's the deal. As you can see, I did not make a single post in May. Which is about to be a lot of work for me because May has been possibly the biggest month of my life. I guess I could say I was too busy LIVING the month of May to record it. I did have time to write, but I just never thought to. I wish I had been recording it all as it was happening instead of now because this is about to be a very long post.
I'm going to talk mostly about two things: Beale Street Music Festival and Italy.
The first weekend of May, I went to Memphis with Max and his friend Robert. Since Dillon already lives there and we had an extra ticket for every day (because Dave didn't show), we hung out with Dillon every day too. I guess since it's been too long since it has happened, I'm not going to go into too much detail. But I saw all the bands I wanted to see: The Black Keys, The Kingston Springs, Jake Bugg, and Vintage Trouble. And then some: Edward Sharpe, Jerry Lee Lewis (what an egotistical asshole haha), some of Mimosa (who didn't do much, but was still entertaining to watch... and is a very tiny man), some of Bassnectar, who had a hell of a light show, the end of Public Enemy... and some more.
It was super rainy and super cold the whole time, and I did not dress for cold weather. Since it was so freezing one night, I suggested we go stand in the middle of a crowd to get out of the wind and to be huddled for warmth. We had kinda planned on doing this anyway, but we stood through Dwight Yoakam's almost entire set because Black Keys was playing the same stage next. When it was over, you could tell about 70% of the crowd was doing the same thing as we were. Because when the show ended, instead of the crowd dispersing as usual, most of the crowd pushed forward. We were so very warm though.
The Black Keys came on 20 minutes late, and I think we would have enjoyed it more if we hadn't already been standing there for what felt like 2 hours and our legs and backs weren't hurting, not to mention being shoulder-to-shoulder in a tightly-packed crowd. It was still cool to see them live though.
Dillon and I fangirled over Jake Bugg. AND WE GOT TO MEET HIM! He is the coolest guy for coming out after his set for autographs and pictures. He didn't have to, and nobody else did. I mean, it's a festival setting. No one expects the band to interact with the fans after the set is over. So I just respect him a ton more after that.
We also got to meet the Kingston Springs. I've met James before many years ago, but I doubt he remembers. This time we met Ian and Matt. They had a special guest Patrick playing harmonica for them. Patrick owns a small bar and grill in Kingston Springs called The Filling Station and Max worked up there for a couple years with Patrick. So we were originally hanging around so Max could talk to Patrick, but we ended up getting Ian's attention instead. And then Matt came over. And we talked about how we all know each other through other people and it was great.
Ty, the singer of Vintage Trouble, came down into the crowd during one of their songs. He even danced with Max! There is footage of it all on Youtube. I'd go so far as to say they were my favorite performance.
Jamie was at the festival too, and we had made plans beforehand to meet up and hang out, but every time I asked where she was, she was on the other side of the festival seeing some bands that I didn't want to see. But I got to see her on the last day because Awolnation canceled due to the bus breaking down or something, so I ran into her and got to see her for a minute.
The first two nights, since the festival had ended around midnight or later, we all ate at Denny's. The last night, since we left earlier in the day, like 5pm, to get me back to school on time, we ate at a high end Asian food restaurant in Memphis called Mulan. Robert paid for all of our meals, which was really nice of him.
I had a great time, and Robert and Max liked Dillon and vice versa and they're all friends now, and it was just all-around a great time and nothing went wrong and it was perfect.
So my next weekend in May was spent preparing for my flight that left that Monday.
I have never flown before this trip, and on this trip I had six flights. So that was fun.
On second thought, I'm glad I'm waiting til now to talk about Italy because if I had been writing about it while I was there, it would have been a whole lotta bitching.
So, I went to Italy with a group of fellow art students from my school to "study abroad." We flew from Nashville to Charlotte, NC to Germany to Rome. We spent a week in Rome, about a week in Florence, a couple days in Venice, back to Florence for a few days, and the last three days in Naples. It was three weeks of nonstop go, go, go!
We would wake up every morning for a group excursion, which was a museum, a church, or a site (the sites were in Rome - The Roman Forum, the Colosseum, arches, obelisks, and fountains). And we'd have the rest of the day to explore the city, see other sites, etc. We learned mostly about Italian Renaissance art which is boring as fuck. I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less if I never saw another Jesus painting again. I was way more interested in the ancient Roman art.
Venice was my favorite city. We stayed in a really nice hotel on a super nice upscale, quiet, island that smelled of flowers called Lido. My roommate and I met a lovely artist there named Paolo Zanetti. He's been to Memphis and knows the owners of Michael theaters and he sang Elvis to us as well as some Italian songs, and he was just so nice and made my whole trip memorable. My biggest regret is not buying one of his paintings. My roommate bought one though. I really loved one of his paintings, but it was pretty big, and I was only buying small paintings. I now wish I had bought it though.
While in Florence, where we spent the most time, my roommate and I stopped by a little gelato shop and the people were so nice we decided to get all of our gelato from there. So we stopped by there almost every day, and they noticed. Workers we hadn't seen before would say, "They're telling me you come here everyday." And they were just so friendly, so after that, we purposely came back every day. On our last day, we told them it was our last day in Florence, so the guy gave us just a little bit more gelato haha.
We met a super friendly shop owner at this great little hidden store we found that sales merchandise, like sweaters, blankets, and teddy bears, made of alpaca fur. My roommate fell in love with a teddy bear that costs like 130 euro (that's more than $130). She bought it, and the shop owner was so excited and talked to us for a good 20 minutes, but she didn't speak a word of English. So she spoke to us in Italian for a very long time, but she was so nice and happy and I loved it.
I met lots of nice people in Italy, but those are the notable ones.
There were also some bad things.
My roommate annoyed me sometimes, but she was the only person I could relate with on any level, so we hung out the entire time. It was probably better than any of the other girls who I would have felt awkward being around.
When we returned from Venice fresh out of the train station, we all had luggage and it looked like we were tourists just arriving in town (we were... but we were RETURNING to Florence). And our group got really spread out during the walk back to the apartment. My roommate and I were in the very back, and a group of 3 people were a good 30 yards in front of us. They passed a guy who was leaning against the wall, and as soon as they walked by him, he started following them. I noticed it immediately, and watched him the whole time. Before they got to the door of the apartment, he stopped and watched them walk in. Then he turned around and walked back, passing my roommate and I on the way. When we got inside, I asked them if they noticed the guy following them. One of the guys noticed, thankfully. But that guy then came back and waited outside the building. Other people in the group noticed him then. I took a picture of him. He waited out there for 6 hours. When it got dark, two other guys showed up. That's when my teacher called the police. The police actually came, and after speaking to the men and patting them down, they were handcuffed and taken away.
We thought that was the end of them, but two days later, my roommate and I took out the garbage, and we saw him waiting across the very narrow street again. He was only like 15 feet away from us, and I whispered, "Look who it is!" and tried to get back in the building quickly. But after I typed in the code on the keypad - twice - the door jammed and wouldn't open. So we called one of the other girls that was inside to make sure the door was closed and we walked away. No one else seemed phased by the guy anymore. They figured he lived somewhere around the area. That doesn't change the fact that it's shady as fuck to wait outside our building for 6 hours straight. He wasn't just waiting for friends. He was keeping an eye on the building to see who came out and when we were gone.
Anyway, we left the very next morning for Naples, so we didn't have to worry about him anymore.
Naples was super sketchy. The entire city is covered in garbage and graffiti. But on the last day, we went sailing in the bay of Naples and it was an awesome experience.
Actually, the entire trip was a great experience.
I could talk a lot more about it, but if it isn't obvious, I'm getting tired of making this post and want it to end soon.
I got back and have been spending time with Max and family and giving souvenirs to everyone. Max and I have been together 6 months now, and it doesn't feel like it has been that long at all. The last 6 months have flown by. I guess that's a good thing. A really good thing actually. I still like him more and more everyday. But that's a post for another day.
I am back in America now and have a ton of plans for many more fun things to do. There's still so much to talk about, but I feel accomplished enough getting this much out of the way.
So, as always: To Be Continued...
I'm going to talk mostly about two things: Beale Street Music Festival and Italy.
The first weekend of May, I went to Memphis with Max and his friend Robert. Since Dillon already lives there and we had an extra ticket for every day (because Dave didn't show), we hung out with Dillon every day too. I guess since it's been too long since it has happened, I'm not going to go into too much detail. But I saw all the bands I wanted to see: The Black Keys, The Kingston Springs, Jake Bugg, and Vintage Trouble. And then some: Edward Sharpe, Jerry Lee Lewis (what an egotistical asshole haha), some of Mimosa (who didn't do much, but was still entertaining to watch... and is a very tiny man), some of Bassnectar, who had a hell of a light show, the end of Public Enemy... and some more.
It was super rainy and super cold the whole time, and I did not dress for cold weather. Since it was so freezing one night, I suggested we go stand in the middle of a crowd to get out of the wind and to be huddled for warmth. We had kinda planned on doing this anyway, but we stood through Dwight Yoakam's almost entire set because Black Keys was playing the same stage next. When it was over, you could tell about 70% of the crowd was doing the same thing as we were. Because when the show ended, instead of the crowd dispersing as usual, most of the crowd pushed forward. We were so very warm though.
The Black Keys came on 20 minutes late, and I think we would have enjoyed it more if we hadn't already been standing there for what felt like 2 hours and our legs and backs weren't hurting, not to mention being shoulder-to-shoulder in a tightly-packed crowd. It was still cool to see them live though.
Dillon and I fangirled over Jake Bugg. AND WE GOT TO MEET HIM! He is the coolest guy for coming out after his set for autographs and pictures. He didn't have to, and nobody else did. I mean, it's a festival setting. No one expects the band to interact with the fans after the set is over. So I just respect him a ton more after that.
We also got to meet the Kingston Springs. I've met James before many years ago, but I doubt he remembers. This time we met Ian and Matt. They had a special guest Patrick playing harmonica for them. Patrick owns a small bar and grill in Kingston Springs called The Filling Station and Max worked up there for a couple years with Patrick. So we were originally hanging around so Max could talk to Patrick, but we ended up getting Ian's attention instead. And then Matt came over. And we talked about how we all know each other through other people and it was great.
Ty, the singer of Vintage Trouble, came down into the crowd during one of their songs. He even danced with Max! There is footage of it all on Youtube. I'd go so far as to say they were my favorite performance.
Jamie was at the festival too, and we had made plans beforehand to meet up and hang out, but every time I asked where she was, she was on the other side of the festival seeing some bands that I didn't want to see. But I got to see her on the last day because Awolnation canceled due to the bus breaking down or something, so I ran into her and got to see her for a minute.
The first two nights, since the festival had ended around midnight or later, we all ate at Denny's. The last night, since we left earlier in the day, like 5pm, to get me back to school on time, we ate at a high end Asian food restaurant in Memphis called Mulan. Robert paid for all of our meals, which was really nice of him.
I had a great time, and Robert and Max liked Dillon and vice versa and they're all friends now, and it was just all-around a great time and nothing went wrong and it was perfect.
So my next weekend in May was spent preparing for my flight that left that Monday.
I have never flown before this trip, and on this trip I had six flights. So that was fun.
On second thought, I'm glad I'm waiting til now to talk about Italy because if I had been writing about it while I was there, it would have been a whole lotta bitching.
So, I went to Italy with a group of fellow art students from my school to "study abroad." We flew from Nashville to Charlotte, NC to Germany to Rome. We spent a week in Rome, about a week in Florence, a couple days in Venice, back to Florence for a few days, and the last three days in Naples. It was three weeks of nonstop go, go, go!
We would wake up every morning for a group excursion, which was a museum, a church, or a site (the sites were in Rome - The Roman Forum, the Colosseum, arches, obelisks, and fountains). And we'd have the rest of the day to explore the city, see other sites, etc. We learned mostly about Italian Renaissance art which is boring as fuck. I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less if I never saw another Jesus painting again. I was way more interested in the ancient Roman art.
Venice was my favorite city. We stayed in a really nice hotel on a super nice upscale, quiet, island that smelled of flowers called Lido. My roommate and I met a lovely artist there named Paolo Zanetti. He's been to Memphis and knows the owners of Michael theaters and he sang Elvis to us as well as some Italian songs, and he was just so nice and made my whole trip memorable. My biggest regret is not buying one of his paintings. My roommate bought one though. I really loved one of his paintings, but it was pretty big, and I was only buying small paintings. I now wish I had bought it though.
While in Florence, where we spent the most time, my roommate and I stopped by a little gelato shop and the people were so nice we decided to get all of our gelato from there. So we stopped by there almost every day, and they noticed. Workers we hadn't seen before would say, "They're telling me you come here everyday." And they were just so friendly, so after that, we purposely came back every day. On our last day, we told them it was our last day in Florence, so the guy gave us just a little bit more gelato haha.
We met a super friendly shop owner at this great little hidden store we found that sales merchandise, like sweaters, blankets, and teddy bears, made of alpaca fur. My roommate fell in love with a teddy bear that costs like 130 euro (that's more than $130). She bought it, and the shop owner was so excited and talked to us for a good 20 minutes, but she didn't speak a word of English. So she spoke to us in Italian for a very long time, but she was so nice and happy and I loved it.
I met lots of nice people in Italy, but those are the notable ones.
There were also some bad things.
My roommate annoyed me sometimes, but she was the only person I could relate with on any level, so we hung out the entire time. It was probably better than any of the other girls who I would have felt awkward being around.
When we returned from Venice fresh out of the train station, we all had luggage and it looked like we were tourists just arriving in town (we were... but we were RETURNING to Florence). And our group got really spread out during the walk back to the apartment. My roommate and I were in the very back, and a group of 3 people were a good 30 yards in front of us. They passed a guy who was leaning against the wall, and as soon as they walked by him, he started following them. I noticed it immediately, and watched him the whole time. Before they got to the door of the apartment, he stopped and watched them walk in. Then he turned around and walked back, passing my roommate and I on the way. When we got inside, I asked them if they noticed the guy following them. One of the guys noticed, thankfully. But that guy then came back and waited outside the building. Other people in the group noticed him then. I took a picture of him. He waited out there for 6 hours. When it got dark, two other guys showed up. That's when my teacher called the police. The police actually came, and after speaking to the men and patting them down, they were handcuffed and taken away.
We thought that was the end of them, but two days later, my roommate and I took out the garbage, and we saw him waiting across the very narrow street again. He was only like 15 feet away from us, and I whispered, "Look who it is!" and tried to get back in the building quickly. But after I typed in the code on the keypad - twice - the door jammed and wouldn't open. So we called one of the other girls that was inside to make sure the door was closed and we walked away. No one else seemed phased by the guy anymore. They figured he lived somewhere around the area. That doesn't change the fact that it's shady as fuck to wait outside our building for 6 hours straight. He wasn't just waiting for friends. He was keeping an eye on the building to see who came out and when we were gone.
Anyway, we left the very next morning for Naples, so we didn't have to worry about him anymore.
Naples was super sketchy. The entire city is covered in garbage and graffiti. But on the last day, we went sailing in the bay of Naples and it was an awesome experience.
Actually, the entire trip was a great experience.
I could talk a lot more about it, but if it isn't obvious, I'm getting tired of making this post and want it to end soon.
I got back and have been spending time with Max and family and giving souvenirs to everyone. Max and I have been together 6 months now, and it doesn't feel like it has been that long at all. The last 6 months have flown by. I guess that's a good thing. A really good thing actually. I still like him more and more everyday. But that's a post for another day.
I am back in America now and have a ton of plans for many more fun things to do. There's still so much to talk about, but I feel accomplished enough getting this much out of the way.
So, as always: To Be Continued...
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