Limbo

The reality of it all is starting to sink in more.  I realize I can likely not move forward with either option.  The one with the history leaves me riddled with doubts.  I am almost certain I can't be happy in the future unless a loooot of things change.  Who am I to wish for change? That's not how to properly love.

I can't move forward with the other option as this whole thing has gone on too long,  and it would become obvious to either the one person or to everyone else.  

And I sit here and think I have options. I will remain in limbo until both choices fall away.  I will lose them both as I deserve. No one gets to have it all. No one deserves any of this. 

I'll just continue to work myself to death to avoid everything else.