I had a 4-day weekend, and I spent it with Lane... and then some. There was an ice storm in Tennessee on the day I was supposed to drive back home. So I got stuck at Lane's for 2 extra days. I had planned some things for his birthday that weekend, and he claimed to enjoy it. But, at the end, it felt like he was tired of me. The last couple days, I just tried to pretend I wasn't there. We didn't hang out together much. He watched stupid anime shows with his roommate and played Xbox games online with his friends.
On Wednesday, he didn't wake up until around 1:00pm, and the first thing he said to me was, "have you talked to Caleb today?" Implying if I had heard any news on the road conditions in TN. I took that as a "When are you leaving?" So I decided to go ahead and risk it and make the 2-hour drive home. I packed my bags in silence. He looked at his phone and didn't say a word to me. I kissed him bye, and all he said to me was bye.
The drive made me nervous at times, but obviously, I made it home safe.
He never checked on me. I sent him a text that I was home and got a reply hours later.
Maybe I'm reaching and reading too far into it all, but I can't change how it all made me feel. And I have felt like garbage since being home. I haven't talked to him much in the last couple days, and I can't stop thinking, "this is why we can't live together again... why does he even talk about marriage and shit like that? Why does he want me around?" He doesn't act like he wants me around.
I was supposed to be off work this weekend, but since I took the whole week off for weather, I chose to work this weekend. I haven't told him, and he hasn't mentioned us seeing each other at all (he still thinks I'm off this weekend).
I hate that I get this low. I feel like I fell off a cliff into a bottomless hole. I can't bring myself back up, and it's been 3 days. I've been taking benadryl to put me to sleep every night, and I've eating next to nothing.
What is so wrong with me??
