I'll Always Be Around

Yesterday was a good day. A very good day. My phone is still absolutely useless, but whatever I guess...

I had a great time with Nate. We watched Drop Dead Fred because he's never seen it before, so you know I had to force it on him! I think he enjoyed it. I think I'm the only one who finds it as funny as I do. I mean, I've seen that movie probably more than any other movie, and I still laugh every time...

After he left, I got on Tumblr and listened to this:


The best word to describe how this makes me feel is "giddy." And nothing short of ecstatic! It was the perfect way to end my night. (The EP comes out August 9th! :D :D :D :D :D :D)

Then I promptly went to bed sometime after 5am.

I got my classes and my schedule for school. The summer is winding down now. There's so much I want to do and so many people I want to see before I go, but I doubt I'll fit all of that in these next two weeks...

So now I'm going to try to go to my dad's house and see what fun I can have over there.

Rearranging Hell

Today was just not my day. I'm writing this at 1am, so when I say today, I actually mean yesterday I guess.

The first thing that happened is I dropped my phone in the pool. I think it's ruined... When it happened, I wasn't too worried about it because I thought it would be fine. I was sitting on the side of the pool with my feet in the water and when I picked up my phone it slipped out of my fucking butter fingers and straight into the water. So I jumped in and got it out with my foot haha. My shorts got wet, but that was the least of my concerns.

So, today was my last day at my grandma's house. I thought it would be the same as every other day this week. Meaning, we didn't have anything planned. I wanted to swim in the pool early before the sun went behind the trees. That almost happened until a last minute notice from the Home Owner's Association at my GG's house. Instead of swimming, we had to go to her house and cut down all the ivy on her fence. While we were there, we cut down the bushes and pulled the flowers out of the ground just so the HOA wouldn't have anything else to bitch about. It was SO HOT outside too. I drank 3 bottles of water within an hour.

Oh, and I was kinda looking forward to shopping for new clothes and stuff before college, but according to my mom I don't need new clothes, so I guess that's not happening. ): It's not that big of a deal; it's just something I kinda assumed was going to happen.

By the time we got back to Nana's, it was 5pm, and there was no sunlight on the pool. I swam for a little while, but I was in such a bad mood (not grouchy, but sad and disappointed) that I wasn't enjoying myself and I didn't swim long. Besides, I got cold really fast because there was no sunshine...

I thought I bought the right size bra, but the one I was wearing today was way too tight around my ribs. But if I go one size up it's too loose. I just don't know what to do about that. Those damn things cause me the most amount of uncomfortableness. (spellcheck tells me that's a real word...)

I'm not sure if I like my haircut. I liked it at first, but it's just not what I was looking for. I hope my hair grows faster than usual...

My phone's screen works just fine, but the power button doesn't work, so I can't even turn it on. Last time I got it to turn on, all the buttons were out of whack and no button did what it was supposed to and the phone was spazzing out, so I think it's shot. I guess I need to get a new one...

I'm hanging out with Nate tomorrow, so hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better than today. Everything went wrong today.

Things are getting done

Hokay so... I spent the weekend at my dad's house. Nana showed up on Sunday afternoon unbeknownst to all of us. Mom finally told Nana the deal with Josh and Ashley. She drove all the way down to give them a talk...

Then Caleb and I came home with Nana, and we've been here ever since.

We've been swimming in the pool every day.... with Nick here of course.

I got my hair cut today. I'm happy with it. It's shorter than ever, but the lady didn't do exactly what I asked for (and what I asked for was pretty simple and she understood exactly what I asked for... but she got a little out of control haha). She cut it shorter on the sides than I wanted and she cut my bangs too short (I didn't want my bangs cut at all). But whatever, it's better than it was before.

I went bra shopping today. Not that that's important. It's just something I've really needed to do.

Now, all I need to do is go clothes shopping (tax-free weekend is coming up!) and get new glasses and/or contacts. And I'll be set.

Better than expected

Thursday went better than expected. Nate and I saw Horrible Bosses in theaters. It was a very funny movie. I liked it. Then he stayed at my house for awhile. It was a good day though.

I saw Winnie the Pooh today. It was a cute movie! Funny too! I don't remember Pooh being such a moron though... or Owl for that matter. But whatever. I quite enjoyed the movie. We original took Winter to see it, but she fell asleep 10 minutes after it started and slept through the entire thing.

Then we went to the Mexican restaurant to get nachos, and Winter started crying really really loudly, so we had to get our food to-go and leave... :/ It was embarrassing.

We took Winter home, then we went to Walmart. I bought a bunch of stuff for my dorm. Like $200-worth of stuff...

I've been talking to my roomate (one of them anyway) for awhile, and she's really cool. I think we're going to get along pretty well. Haha.

Okay, well I kept this short and to the point because I'm going to my dad's house now. I haven't been there in weeks! I'll update more when I get back.

A lot of things are about to change really fast.

One More Day

So, tomorrow is Thursday. I'm not even sure if I'm nervous anymore. If my expectations are correct, I'm not sure if I'm going to go through with it. Haha. Something that never seemed like a big deal to me is actually kind of a big deal...

Well, Nate and I are going to see a movie tomorrow. Really, if he didn't remind me, I would never remember anniversaries. I'm the girl in this relationship; shouldn't I be the one remembering them and him forgetting them? Haha. I already said I don't do anniversaries, but tomorrow will be 3 months. I don't know if that says anything...

So, a girl added me on Facebook. We have no mutual friends, but she goes to my college. And her status says, "It's nice to finally get in touch with my roommates to be." I think it's safe to say she is one of my roommates. I'm excited, but I'm also curious as to where she got the roommate information. How does she knowww? I haven't heard any news about roommates. And since it appears roommates are already determined, I guess that means Jamie and I might not be roommates. On the bright side if we aren't, that's just a chance for us to make more friends! Both her roommates and mine.

Yeah, I got nothing else to say. Things are getting serious around here.

Getting Closer

I'm reading my horoscope for today and tomorrow and this week and whatnot, and it's so relevant! Usually it's just stupid little tidbits that are so vague and could mean anything to anyone (of course that's what they would be because it's all bullshit but I read it sometimes anyway even if I don't believe any of it), but it has never been more relevant to my life than it is now. Makes me think...

I'm writing here more often! Woo! Maybe that's because I haven't been out of the house lately. I want to get out of the house...

I've also been writing in general, but I'm not confident of anything I write, so meh.

Caleb and Binita made Japanese food today. It was a bit underwhelming. I don't like ginger... Yeah, so I don't really have anything to say.

Birds, Bees, and Possibilites

God I wish you could see me now. You'd pick me and you'd sort me out.

I wish I could say a lot of the things that have been on my mind lately. I just keep thinking of more and more things that bother me or that I'd just really like to talk about with someone, but I could never...

They keep piling up.

Shit, and something just occurred to me that I think would be very therapeutic if I could just talk to someone about it. I have a feeling Thursday is going to be a big day...

And I do have someone who I could talk to some of these things about, especially that last vague one I just mentioned, but I haven't talked to that person much lately, and would feel uncomfortable bringing anything serious up.

I know I'm being vague like always, but I wouldn't feel comfortable writing/typing these things down. I'd rather they stay in my head to be honest.

Yeah, I've drug this out too far...

So, Dav come over Saturday afternoon to get her computer looked at by Caleb. She ended up staying the night, which I didn't expect, but I was okay with that. Then she stayed all day Sunday... and all night Sunday night... and we both stayed awake until she went home at 6 o' clock this morning. By then, I felt she sorta exceeded her welcome... I went to bed after she left and woke up at 2 o' clock this afternoon. I don't think she knows proper social standards. I think she's probably a little autistic about that... lol.

So, I got a letter in the mail the other day from Memphis. FINALLY! I was hoping it would be something exciting like classes or roommate information, but it was just billing and payment info. Important stuff... I did get a schedule/calendar for the whole school year though. It definitely put me at ease because now I know when everything is going to be, and everything is going to work out.

Okay, so I still have all those things on my mind (and will for no telling how long), but I'm going to distract myself.

Jar of Hearts

So, say goodbye to love
And hold your head up high
There's no need to rush
We're all just waiting, waiting to die

"he deleted me, blocked me, ignores me... so much for, "ill always love you, [girl], no matter what" ... <\3"

I wish I could have warned her. But we all gotta learn... You know that song Jar of Hearts? I've always found it so absolutely fitting. Perhaps too perfectly accurate.



It's 3 in morning and I'm blasting City & Color. And singing loudly along with it. Feels good, man.

Nate just left...
EDIT: He's home now. He had a nice long drive to think about things alone. I don't know how I feel, but he just sent me probably one of the best texts ever. He is absolutely 100% without a doubt in my mind not a player. He's not just trying to get in my pants or however you want to put it. And I feel weird knowing that I have someone who cares about me this much... it's unsettling to be honest.

Some of things he said in the [3-page-long] text, I feel like I should delete, but because of the other stuff, I don't want to delete it. Hmm...

Um, damn, I thought I had more to say, but I'm just really tired.

Paint it Black

I'm flooded with an overwhelming... emotion. It just came on and I don't know what caused it and I don't like it. So many little things building up, I suppose. I've been going to to bed at 5am. Right now it's 10pm and I feel like doing absolutely nothing but going to sleep...

I could use a day to myself. I'm not getting one of those for awhile. I'm hoping this all passes over by tomorrow.

Death Cab is going to be at Bridgestone next month. I really want to go but tickets are $38, and I hate making plans for something so far away, but if I do decide to go, I would want to buy the tickets immediately because I have a feeling they're going to sell out.

I've been updating this so little, I feel weird if I update too often now. I used to have something to say every day.

Uh... here's another survey.

You don't want to see my ghost

I think my brother's friend likes me. It doesn't bother me, but he's got to know that it will go nowhere for so many reasons. But I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for him because when everyone else was angry and upset and total buzzkills, he and I decided to be awesome instead and play darts and have a good night while everyone else wallowed in their negative attitudes. He made what would have been a dull night into a memorable and ultimately very fun night.

I'm about to watch [Rec] in my room by myself. I've been wanting to see it for awhile. For some reason, I prefer watching horror movies alone and not with other people. If it's good, I may watch [Rec]2 after. We'll see.

Nate comes home tomorrow. I thought he was coming home Thursday, but when he said he's "leaving Thursday," he meant he was leaving New York and going back to Pennsylvania. I probably won't see him tomorrow though depending what time he gets back.

I've had mild cold all day. It started the other day. It's just a really annoying sore throat. And it's not a typical sore throat either where your tonsils are swollen. It's like my entire throat that hurts. Yeah, that was pointless.

Here's a survey.

Five Hours

I'm so weak and emotionally drained right now.

We had the intervention. I'd like to say it went well, but I really don't know.

Ashley came first, and we sat her down and the whole family was there. My mom started out by first saying we know she lost her job and we know they pawned the engagement ring. I know right then that Ashley's heart dropped by the look on her face.

So, she was first, and I felt so bad for her. She was silent the whole time and just took it all in mostly. They weren't yelling or accusing or anything, but I know she probably felt like she was being attacked anyway.

Now, I didn't say a word the entire 5 hours (yes, this took 5 whole hours) this was happening except at the end when they left I hugged them bye and told them both that I love them.

So, then Ashley went out in her truck and cried for awhile while Johnny went and got Josh. Josh took it way worse than Ashley did and way worse than I expected him to.

At the very beginning of Josh's "talk," my mom mentioned that she has talked to his boss about this. His boss is one of my mom's ex-boyfriends and she has known him for years. But that really struck a nerve with Josh. He exploded. He was so enraged that he stormed out of the house and was screaming at my mom in the yard. We got him to come back inside before it got worse though. He thought it meant he was going to get fired, but my mom assured them that he still has a job. And then Josh was upset because now his boss is going to "look at me like I'm a fucking junkie." And I thought, well, if you're worried about people looking at you that way, it means you're ashamed of being that way. I didn't say that though. Like I said, I didn't say anything.

I could go into so much detail and say all the things that was said, but that was five hours worth of conversation, and this post would be super long. Josh absolutely refuses rehab, but my mom stands firm on her deal.

See, Johnny came up with a compromise: Josh calls the rehab place and reserves a bed (a bed won't open up til August). In the meantime, he gets off the pills himself, and if he can do that then he doesn't have to go to rehab (because obviously he won't need it anymore). I thought that was an agreeable compromise, but my mom said "absolutely not" and "hell no." Because she says she's heard it all before, and they've said they'll quit in the past but never did.

Oh, and Josh has wanted a truck so bad. You have absolutely no idea how bad he wants a truck. And my mom and grandma bought him a truck. It's a really nice truck too. But! It's at my grandma's house in Hermitage, and Josh can't have it until he pays $1000 down and goes to rehab. He has to pay my grandma back, in monthly payments, all the money she spent buying it (which she bought with $3000 cash).

So, my mom told him about the truck today. He wants it so bad, but he will not go to rehab. And he mentioned he'll just get a loan for the $1000, but my mom said no. All the loans they have out and all the money they owe is a big reason we had the intervention in the first place.

But anyway. It's been an emotionally and physically draining day. I had the worst headache when it was over. It was up there with migraine-degree headaches. So, I gave in and took a BC. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I quit taking BC for awhile because the last time I took it, it made me sick. It made my stomach hurt for a week. I'm almost positive I have an ulcer/stomach bleeding because of this stuff. But I took some tonight, and within 10 minutes I could feel the effects. It was great. My headache went away and even my throat, which has been sore all day, quit hurting. Haha, which was an added bonus because I didn't expect that to happen. But since those medicines thin your blood, my whole body feels extremely weak now, and I'm tired. I don't want to go to sleep though. I never want to sleep anymore.

Fiends

On the 4th I saw the fireworks at Riverfront in Downtown Nashville. It was awesome! I've never been downtown for the Fourth of July, so it was quite a fun and exciting new experience.

Nate comes home tomorrow. He wasn't gone for two weeks as previously thought. Just one week.

But even more important tomorrow is that we're having an intervention for Josh. We found out they pawned the engagement ring that my grandma gave them. That ring is a family heirloom and it's worth at least $2500, but since it's in the family, it's priceless. The pawned it for $80. They don't know that we know all of this. We know a lot of stuff that they don't want us to know, and it's all coming out tomorrow.

I feel sorry for Ashley, though, because she's just going to be thrown out on the street like nobody cares about her. I care about her and love her and don't want that to happen to her, but no one else seems to care... Somehow they all feel like it's her fault that her and Josh got this bad. When really, they are both equally at fault. I think Ashley needs to attention that we're going to give Josh, but the intervention is going to be only for Josh. The ultimatum is that Josh has to check himself into rehab or he is being kicked out.

So, that's totally going to be fun tomorrow...

Hm... I legally have all four Oddworld games! I've been addicted to Munch's Oddysee. It has always been my favorite. :)

Shuffle

I don't think I've ever said this before, but I really can't stand people talking bad about other people. Like when my family members just rag on other family members when they're not there. I can think of several examples, but I don't want to call anyone out even though they would never know it if I did on here.

So, I think tomorrow I'm going to sleep in as long as possible. You know, I haven't gotten to sleep in much this summer. The latest I've slept in til was 3pm! I used to stay up all night and sleep til 7pm, wake up in the middle of the night, and do it all again. I guess I've been being somewhat responsible since every other day I've got someone to see or somewhere to be.

I would also like to text Jamie and arrange some time to hang out. I haven't talked to her or seen her in a very long time.

I would also like to do a little bit of art. I haven't done that shit in ages.

I might also finish a book I've already started or start a book I've already finished. Or maybe just start a book. I'd like to read some books since it is also something I haven't done in awhile.

I doubt I'll actually do any of these things. The only thing I'll be doing tomorrow is probably going to the grocery store with my mom.

Um, Nate was over today. He's leaving tomorrow and will be gone for one week or two weeks. He doesn't know. He said two weeks at first and when I brought it up today he said probably one week but he doesn't know. So... I don't know. I should arrange some girl time with some girls because I've kinda been wanting to do that for some reason (I know; it baffles me too), so this week would be the perfect week to do that I think.

Oh, yeah. Monday is 4th of July. I may be going to Downtown Nashville to see the fireworks but I really don't know... Probably not. It was a good idea at the time, but actually executing the plan is a different story. I don't want to inconvenience other people.

Hmm... what else is on my mind? I'm tired. So, I guess I'm going to go to bed although I don't want to because there's just so much music to listen to!