Well, I can quit bitching about my phone now. It kicked the bucket.
I've got a new one coming in the mail. So I have to go a week without it. I hope I don't get into any emergencies between now and then.
The other day Pamp told me that he got bitched at by Nana for "cuddling" with me. Lol. Nana and I talked about him when I was at her house. She told me not to date him because she doesn't see him amounting to anything. I know why she says that, but she's Nana.
Obviously I'm not dating him right now. When it comes to relationships, I'm still young and I'm just having fun. It's not like I'm settling down already. Serious relationships scare the hell out of me. *cough cough* (I have a boyfriend who would hate to hear that).
Nate and I skyped last night since I'm phoneless. We debated our opposing beliefs (meaning all of them). We really have nothing in common except the fact that we're both very accepting of each other. I say "of each other" because I know I'm accepting of everyone. I just know he's accepting of me.
Today Nikki and I walked around. I bought some things I needed. I cleaned my room halfway. It was a slightly productive day but not as productive as it could have been...
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Lonely
I never realized how much I depend on my phone until now. Today the fucker decided to quit working. Like, as if I hadn't paid the bill and it was cut off. Only, I did pay the bill... The last message I received was at 7:30 this morning. After that: nothing. Until 7PM. I received a couple morning messages 12 hours late... I thought my phone was working again then, so I sent a few messages, and now I'm not getting anything again and I don't even know if mine went through. This shit better start working because I just paid the bill a few days ago and am getting so broke...
So, my last couple days at Nana's was fun. I feel guilty but I don't at the same time. I saw Pamp every day I was there, and he was way too close as always. I perhaps could have exhibited a bit more self control myself. I didn't do anything terrible. I just didn't stop him from putting his arms around me. We all saw The Lorax on Friday. It was a cute movie, especially The Lorax himself, but I probably won't ever watch it again. It was too much of a kid's movie. I lay with Pamp on the couch and watched Across the Universe my last night there. He fell asleep on my shoulder which was kind of adorable. At one point he texted Nate from my phone (much to my protest, and I'm too small and weak and powerless to snatch it out of his hands). I hadn't responded to Nate's text in awhile because we were all watching movies.
Nate sent me one like, "Babe, are you getting my messages?"
And Pamp responded, "Yep :) shes in the middle of watching stuff with me -pamp-"
And when Nate didn't respond, he sent another saying, "Im the guy thats always flirtin with your gf all i wanted to say :)"
With which Nate replied, "Oooooh that one guy huh. I thought there was more? Hmmm seems like you got some competition bro"
When I finally got control of my phone, I explained to Nate. Kinda. He was very understanding haha. Then I skyped him later that night and he didn't even bring it up. He brought up other somewhat touchy subjects though.
So, I'm not as depressed I guess. I've accepted my position in this hole and the only thing I can do is get by for the next 8 weeks. My project that was due today turned into a happy accident. I covered a mask in faux fur and when I was shaping the fur around the eyes and stuff, it looked just like an owl. It was completely unintended, but I loved it, so I rolled with it. There are no mistakes in art, only accidental improvements.
So, I found out next spring my school is doing a trip to Rome. You have no idea how unbelievably badly I have always wanted to go to Rome! That one thing may be the ONLY reason I go to this school next year. I don't know though. I'm still going to work with MTSU. If I don't get in there, I'll either drop out or go here next year. I just really, really hate this place and don't want to be miserable for ANOTHER year if I don't have to be...
So, without a properly working phone, I feel cut off from the world and extremely lonely. I NEVER GET LONELY. :/ Also, I've found myself missing people more often. I NEVER MISS PEOPLE. So often I find myself wishing certain people were here with me. Different people at different times. I've been missing some who I probably shouldn't. You can probably guess who. I don't feel like going over my whole spiel about him though and the goods and bads of it all.
Well, actually my phone is slowly starting to work again. Nate called me and we had a little chat. I actually like talking on the phone now. And Michael texted me, and it went through pretty quickly (not instantly like it should, but 10 minutes is better than 12 hours).
So, my last couple days at Nana's was fun. I feel guilty but I don't at the same time. I saw Pamp every day I was there, and he was way too close as always. I perhaps could have exhibited a bit more self control myself. I didn't do anything terrible. I just didn't stop him from putting his arms around me. We all saw The Lorax on Friday. It was a cute movie, especially The Lorax himself, but I probably won't ever watch it again. It was too much of a kid's movie. I lay with Pamp on the couch and watched Across the Universe my last night there. He fell asleep on my shoulder which was kind of adorable. At one point he texted Nate from my phone (much to my protest, and I'm too small and weak and powerless to snatch it out of his hands). I hadn't responded to Nate's text in awhile because we were all watching movies.
Nate sent me one like, "Babe, are you getting my messages?"
And Pamp responded, "Yep :) shes in the middle of watching stuff with me -pamp-"
And when Nate didn't respond, he sent another saying, "Im the guy thats always flirtin with your gf all i wanted to say :)"
With which Nate replied, "Oooooh that one guy huh. I thought there was more? Hmmm seems like you got some competition bro"
When I finally got control of my phone, I explained to Nate. Kinda. He was very understanding haha. Then I skyped him later that night and he didn't even bring it up. He brought up other somewhat touchy subjects though.
So, I'm not as depressed I guess. I've accepted my position in this hole and the only thing I can do is get by for the next 8 weeks. My project that was due today turned into a happy accident. I covered a mask in faux fur and when I was shaping the fur around the eyes and stuff, it looked just like an owl. It was completely unintended, but I loved it, so I rolled with it. There are no mistakes in art, only accidental improvements.
So, I found out next spring my school is doing a trip to Rome. You have no idea how unbelievably badly I have always wanted to go to Rome! That one thing may be the ONLY reason I go to this school next year. I don't know though. I'm still going to work with MTSU. If I don't get in there, I'll either drop out or go here next year. I just really, really hate this place and don't want to be miserable for ANOTHER year if I don't have to be...
So, without a properly working phone, I feel cut off from the world and extremely lonely. I NEVER GET LONELY. :/ Also, I've found myself missing people more often. I NEVER MISS PEOPLE. So often I find myself wishing certain people were here with me. Different people at different times. I've been missing some who I probably shouldn't. You can probably guess who. I don't feel like going over my whole spiel about him though and the goods and bads of it all.
Well, actually my phone is slowly starting to work again. Nate called me and we had a little chat. I actually like talking on the phone now. And Michael texted me, and it went through pretty quickly (not instantly like it should, but 10 minutes is better than 12 hours).
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Don't start that again
Back at school and immediately super depressed. I have so much to say, but I just don't feel like it...
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Some things slide by so carelessly
I bought some stuff from Hobby Lobby today I hope I can make it work into my project...
I thought the day was going to end up horrible because Nick was being defiant and Nana was saying "no" and I thought they were going to butt heads, but everything turned out better than expected. Nick was going to go canoeing (after being told no), but the weather got gross (like we told him it would) and he decided against it.
We watched 28 Days Later. Pamp was trying new ways to get handsy, of course. He knows I'm going to stop him, but he likes to see how far he can get before I do so (which isn't very far).
Then we went to their high school talent show. I had fun.
And then Nate just sent me this: "Hayley baby uno, your the best girl friend in the world. Your sweet, kind, caring, funny, and to top it off freakin beautiful. You are the only girl I have ever been truly happy with in my entire life. I just wanted to let you know that :D"
Spelling errors aside, those are some powerful words. Stuff like this still terrifies me. I think I have some deep rooted commitment issues that aren't so evident, but likes to quietly sit on my left shoulder. Hell, I can't even commit to commitment issues...
I thought the day was going to end up horrible because Nick was being defiant and Nana was saying "no" and I thought they were going to butt heads, but everything turned out better than expected. Nick was going to go canoeing (after being told no), but the weather got gross (like we told him it would) and he decided against it.
We watched 28 Days Later. Pamp was trying new ways to get handsy, of course. He knows I'm going to stop him, but he likes to see how far he can get before I do so (which isn't very far).
Then we went to their high school talent show. I had fun.
And then Nate just sent me this: "Hayley baby uno, your the best girl friend in the world. Your sweet, kind, caring, funny, and to top it off freakin beautiful. You are the only girl I have ever been truly happy with in my entire life. I just wanted to let you know that :D"
Spelling errors aside, those are some powerful words. Stuff like this still terrifies me. I think I have some deep rooted commitment issues that aren't so evident, but likes to quietly sit on my left shoulder. Hell, I can't even commit to commitment issues...
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Don't think twice; it's alright
Yesterday.
Fonz came over and he and I went to Subway then Cat's Music. Then we hung out and watched WKUK until Nikki and Dillon showed. They hung out for awhile, and we eventually left (Fonz went home) after 11pm. Got to Nana's house at half past midnight. The house was all locked up and I didn't want to wake anyone up, so I stayed the night at Nikki's house. We went to Downtown Nashville at 2 in the morning. When we were coming down the stairs of the Shelby Street Bridge, Nikki said, "Does anyone else smell sluts?" because it smelled like cheap perfume. Sure enough, when we turned the corner, a group of girls were at the foot of the stairs all on their cellphones. Haha. As we passed them, Nikki said, "Lots of homeless guys up there." There wasn't anyone up there.
Today.
I woke up, went to Nikki's old high school. We just walked in there and starting roaming the halls and going in classrooms. It was pretty laid back considering instead of telling us to get visitor's passes, the teachers just waved and smiled at us... Of course, Nikki and I look like students, but Dillon can't pull it off with the facial hair haha. Eventually, one teacher told us to go to the office and wait there. Nikki got her transcript. Then we wasted more time there... Then I thought it was time to take me to Nana's because I reminded them that's where I was supposed to be 15 hours before. And Nana called me wondering where I was at since I never came in last night. So, naturally we dropped off the dog (Little Hayley) on the other side of town instead. Then we stayed at Bobby, the dog sitter's house for way too long. Then when I thought we were going to Nana's house, we drove back through town to look at skate parks. Then we stopped and got Nikki's car out of the shop. Then we went to Rocketown. THEN 2 hours after I told Nana I was on my way, we went to Nana's house.
So, I'm finally at Nana's. Nick got home from school shortly after I arrived. He, his girlfriend, Pamp, and I went to the lake. I actually had a really nice time with Pamp (since Nick and his girlfriend left us alone for a couple hours so they could go God knows where and do God knows what). We walked around in the woods for awhile, then we came back to the lake. When Nick and his girlfriend got back, they found us sitting on a giant rock. I was sitting. Pamp was lying on it with his head in my lap. Which, I know, isn't completely harmless. But it isn't completely bad either, it is? He behaved himself too for the most part, which I appreciate. He got a little handsy when we were alone, but I didn't let that continue.
So, I'm going to their high school talent show with them tomorrow. Should be interesting. He's all excited to show me his ex for some reason lol. I think he expects me to get jealous and call her ugly or something, but I'm not going to do that. And, hell, if she can sing well (I think she's singing in the talent show anyway) and chooses a good song, I might actually like her.
Also, I'm pretty tired now, and I got stuff to do tomorrow, so I must end this here. I've kept it short. I've gotten good at not making my posts tooooo long and drawn out like I used to. But I'm also trying not to keep it completely in a nutshell like I briefly got into the habit of doing awhile back. I do this mostly for myself. I come back and read these from time to time, and the too-long ones make me sick of reading them and the too-simplified ones make me wish I had said more. So, here's the happy medium, I suppose.
Okay, now I'm just rambling.
Fonz came over and he and I went to Subway then Cat's Music. Then we hung out and watched WKUK until Nikki and Dillon showed. They hung out for awhile, and we eventually left (Fonz went home) after 11pm. Got to Nana's house at half past midnight. The house was all locked up and I didn't want to wake anyone up, so I stayed the night at Nikki's house. We went to Downtown Nashville at 2 in the morning. When we were coming down the stairs of the Shelby Street Bridge, Nikki said, "Does anyone else smell sluts?" because it smelled like cheap perfume. Sure enough, when we turned the corner, a group of girls were at the foot of the stairs all on their cellphones. Haha. As we passed them, Nikki said, "Lots of homeless guys up there." There wasn't anyone up there.
Today.
I woke up, went to Nikki's old high school. We just walked in there and starting roaming the halls and going in classrooms. It was pretty laid back considering instead of telling us to get visitor's passes, the teachers just waved and smiled at us... Of course, Nikki and I look like students, but Dillon can't pull it off with the facial hair haha. Eventually, one teacher told us to go to the office and wait there. Nikki got her transcript. Then we wasted more time there... Then I thought it was time to take me to Nana's because I reminded them that's where I was supposed to be 15 hours before. And Nana called me wondering where I was at since I never came in last night. So, naturally we dropped off the dog (Little Hayley) on the other side of town instead. Then we stayed at Bobby, the dog sitter's house for way too long. Then when I thought we were going to Nana's house, we drove back through town to look at skate parks. Then we stopped and got Nikki's car out of the shop. Then we went to Rocketown. THEN 2 hours after I told Nana I was on my way, we went to Nana's house.
So, I'm finally at Nana's. Nick got home from school shortly after I arrived. He, his girlfriend, Pamp, and I went to the lake. I actually had a really nice time with Pamp (since Nick and his girlfriend left us alone for a couple hours so they could go God knows where and do God knows what). We walked around in the woods for awhile, then we came back to the lake. When Nick and his girlfriend got back, they found us sitting on a giant rock. I was sitting. Pamp was lying on it with his head in my lap. Which, I know, isn't completely harmless. But it isn't completely bad either, it is? He behaved himself too for the most part, which I appreciate. He got a little handsy when we were alone, but I didn't let that continue.
So, I'm going to their high school talent show with them tomorrow. Should be interesting. He's all excited to show me his ex for some reason lol. I think he expects me to get jealous and call her ugly or something, but I'm not going to do that. And, hell, if she can sing well (I think she's singing in the talent show anyway) and chooses a good song, I might actually like her.
Also, I'm pretty tired now, and I got stuff to do tomorrow, so I must end this here. I've kept it short. I've gotten good at not making my posts tooooo long and drawn out like I used to. But I'm also trying not to keep it completely in a nutshell like I briefly got into the habit of doing awhile back. I do this mostly for myself. I come back and read these from time to time, and the too-long ones make me sick of reading them and the too-simplified ones make me wish I had said more. So, here's the happy medium, I suppose.
Okay, now I'm just rambling.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Happenings and Goings On
What the hell? Nikki just texted me. She's at the dorm and I am 3 hours away at home. The conversation goes as follows:
Nikki: I MELTED THE TABLE :( I'M SO SORRY!
Me: Which table? And how lol?
Nikki: The kitchen table... I don't know how but the whole top part is melted and the whole apartment is blanketed in ash and it smells like burnt plastic :( i'm 300 bucks set back from getting out of here.
Me: :\ Did the fire alarm go off? Maybe you should file a work order.
Nikki: That's the scary part! The alarm didn't go off! I wasn't here. :(
Me: That's weird. How did you melt it if you weren't there?
Nikki: I DON'T KNOW! SLUT MAGIC IS WORKING AGAINST ME!
Me: Lol was there a candle lit?
Nikki: I don't know :( i don't even know what was on the table before i left. :(
This is suspicious and dodgy... How can someone be so unobservant? I really don't understand how she doesn't know how this happened. All I know is that we're going to be fined for that. $300 as she mentioned above. And I am take zero responsibility for any of this. I don't know what it takes to learn responsibility, but she needs it...
I'm not going to worry about it for now though.
Fonz and I hung out at his house last night. At one point he filled a condom up with water and I said, "It looks like a boob." And he replied, "It FEELS like a boob too!" I laughed pretty hard.
Today, Mom and I visited Rachel to see her baby. I realized I'll probably never make a good mother. Babies don't interest me. I don't care to see them or hold them or feed them or anything. I can babytalk a dog all day, but I can't imagine babytalking an actual baby. I already mother all my friends, but they're adults (though some of them don't act like it) and can think for themselves. I'm just there to help keep them on their toes, I guess. What I'm trying to say is I have a motherly instinct and it takes over a lot of time, but I for some reason don't feel like I'll make a good mother to my own kids one day...
Saw my dad and brothers afterward. Mike was there too. There's really nothing else I can say about Josh and Ashley. Ashley says she wants to hang out with me a lot over the summer cuz I'm the only person she knows who doesn't do drugs. And everyone else will be "drinking and getting high" and she "can't." She didn't say she didn't want to. She said she can't... She's apparently pregnant. No one knows if she is or not. No one knows whether to believe it. But if she is, maybe it'll straighten her up. Regardless, I'll be more than happy to spend as much time with her as possible during the summer if it keeps her off drugs.
Dillon and Nikki are (hopefully still...) stopping here tomorrow on their way to Nashville. I'm gonna show them around my humble hometown, I suppose. And then they're going to take me to Nana's house on their way to Nashville.
I really hope that's all still happening... You never know with those two. They may get in a fight tomorrow morning and decided they aren't going anywhere anymore...
If I do go to Nana's house, it'll probably be a bad idea. I'm going to spend time with Nana and my cousin, but I'm guaranteed to also see Pamp. I just feel like I'm really going to regret this. I can only hope everything turns out better than expected.
I'm listening to Two Door Cinema Club right now which reminds me that Nikki and I are seeing them in June in Atlanta! I'm so excited already! ^^ :D
Nikki: I MELTED THE TABLE :( I'M SO SORRY!
Me: Which table? And how lol?
Nikki: The kitchen table... I don't know how but the whole top part is melted and the whole apartment is blanketed in ash and it smells like burnt plastic :( i'm 300 bucks set back from getting out of here.
Me: :\ Did the fire alarm go off? Maybe you should file a work order.
Nikki: That's the scary part! The alarm didn't go off! I wasn't here. :(
Me: That's weird. How did you melt it if you weren't there?
Nikki: I DON'T KNOW! SLUT MAGIC IS WORKING AGAINST ME!
Me: Lol was there a candle lit?
Nikki: I don't know :( i don't even know what was on the table before i left. :(
This is suspicious and dodgy... How can someone be so unobservant? I really don't understand how she doesn't know how this happened. All I know is that we're going to be fined for that. $300 as she mentioned above. And I am take zero responsibility for any of this. I don't know what it takes to learn responsibility, but she needs it...
I'm not going to worry about it for now though.
Fonz and I hung out at his house last night. At one point he filled a condom up with water and I said, "It looks like a boob." And he replied, "It FEELS like a boob too!" I laughed pretty hard.
Today, Mom and I visited Rachel to see her baby. I realized I'll probably never make a good mother. Babies don't interest me. I don't care to see them or hold them or feed them or anything. I can babytalk a dog all day, but I can't imagine babytalking an actual baby. I already mother all my friends, but they're adults (though some of them don't act like it) and can think for themselves. I'm just there to help keep them on their toes, I guess. What I'm trying to say is I have a motherly instinct and it takes over a lot of time, but I for some reason don't feel like I'll make a good mother to my own kids one day...
Saw my dad and brothers afterward. Mike was there too. There's really nothing else I can say about Josh and Ashley. Ashley says she wants to hang out with me a lot over the summer cuz I'm the only person she knows who doesn't do drugs. And everyone else will be "drinking and getting high" and she "can't." She didn't say she didn't want to. She said she can't... She's apparently pregnant. No one knows if she is or not. No one knows whether to believe it. But if she is, maybe it'll straighten her up. Regardless, I'll be more than happy to spend as much time with her as possible during the summer if it keeps her off drugs.
Dillon and Nikki are (hopefully still...) stopping here tomorrow on their way to Nashville. I'm gonna show them around my humble hometown, I suppose. And then they're going to take me to Nana's house on their way to Nashville.
I really hope that's all still happening... You never know with those two. They may get in a fight tomorrow morning and decided they aren't going anywhere anymore...
If I do go to Nana's house, it'll probably be a bad idea. I'm going to spend time with Nana and my cousin, but I'm guaranteed to also see Pamp. I just feel like I'm really going to regret this. I can only hope everything turns out better than expected.
I'm listening to Two Door Cinema Club right now which reminds me that Nikki and I are seeing them in June in Atlanta! I'm so excited already! ^^ :D
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Foreshadowing?
I threw it away just to prove that I could...
So, I started that last post a few days ago, but never finished. I just now published it anyway. I'll continue it here as well as everything else that has happened since.
Only, right now I'm watching The Voice, so I'm going to be a little distracted. Cuz you know I love this show.
Fonz and I saw Project X in theaters last weekend. When I bought my ticket the woman asked how old I am (because it's an R-rated movie and I look 12 of course). I told her 18... I lied! I forget that I'm 19 now lol. 19 is such an unexciting age... But it's my last teenage year, not that that means anything.
So, I guess I don't have much to talk about that happened during the week. School stuff happened. Nate and his roommate Justin came to Memphis Thursday night to see me. Nate and I slept together and Justin slept on the couch.
I could go into more detail, but I shouldn't. Keepin' it classy.
I finally met Justin! I quite like him. I knew I would though. He's pretty awesome.
I had class Friday, so I had to leave them in the dorm with my other roommates. I didn't like doing that.
We left Friday night, and I stayed the night at Nate's house. This isn't the 21st century and we're not both adults, so we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room... lol. It's cool though. His family loves me so much and I really like them. It was nice to see them again. They're so nice to me. They made me a cake for my birthday. Nate got me a stuffed manatee for my birthday. I LOVE IT!
Now I'm home for Spring Break, and, man, am I going to be busy... Nate and Justin are going back to school tomorrow. I'm probably going to hang out with Fonz again. I definitely plan to see my dad, of course. And I'm probably going to go to Nana's house for a couple days to hang out with my cousin Nick and Nana. And someone who I absolutely should not see.
So, I started that last post a few days ago, but never finished. I just now published it anyway. I'll continue it here as well as everything else that has happened since.
Only, right now I'm watching The Voice, so I'm going to be a little distracted. Cuz you know I love this show.
Fonz and I saw Project X in theaters last weekend. When I bought my ticket the woman asked how old I am (because it's an R-rated movie and I look 12 of course). I told her 18... I lied! I forget that I'm 19 now lol. 19 is such an unexciting age... But it's my last teenage year, not that that means anything.
So, I guess I don't have much to talk about that happened during the week. School stuff happened. Nate and his roommate Justin came to Memphis Thursday night to see me. Nate and I slept together and Justin slept on the couch.
I could go into more detail, but I shouldn't. Keepin' it classy.
I finally met Justin! I quite like him. I knew I would though. He's pretty awesome.
I had class Friday, so I had to leave them in the dorm with my other roommates. I didn't like doing that.
We left Friday night, and I stayed the night at Nate's house. This isn't the 21st century and we're not both adults, so we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room... lol. It's cool though. His family loves me so much and I really like them. It was nice to see them again. They're so nice to me. They made me a cake for my birthday. Nate got me a stuffed manatee for my birthday. I LOVE IT!
Now I'm home for Spring Break, and, man, am I going to be busy... Nate and Justin are going back to school tomorrow. I'm probably going to hang out with Fonz again. I definitely plan to see my dad, of course. And I'm probably going to go to Nana's house for a couple days to hang out with my cousin Nick and Nana. And someone who I absolutely should not see.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Oh, me.
Now that I'm stuck in the city with spring rolling in
It's so hard because I don't know where to begin.
And there's just never much time these days,
And I stayed up all night trying to say.
I've got to get this all off my chest.
I'm so sick of living my life in suspense.
We both guessed I'm getting my life rearranged,
And you're god damn right my life has changed.
I've got stuff to say. I guess now is as good a time as any. I have class in two hours and need to get ready, but I've got time to write this.
My birthday was Friday, so I went home this weekend. Of course that was irresponsible and I missed two classes: the second half of my Friday class and my Monday class.
I spent the first night with Nikki. I spent the rest of the weekend with Fonz. He stayed the night both nights I was there. Nate was very unhappy about that. It probably doesn't help that Nate was also in town that weekend, and I didn't see him. It's not my fault he already had plans.
It's so hard because I don't know where to begin.
And there's just never much time these days,
And I stayed up all night trying to say.
I've got to get this all off my chest.
I'm so sick of living my life in suspense.
We both guessed I'm getting my life rearranged,
And you're god damn right my life has changed.
I've got stuff to say. I guess now is as good a time as any. I have class in two hours and need to get ready, but I've got time to write this.
My birthday was Friday, so I went home this weekend. Of course that was irresponsible and I missed two classes: the second half of my Friday class and my Monday class.
I spent the first night with Nikki. I spent the rest of the weekend with Fonz. He stayed the night both nights I was there. Nate was very unhappy about that. It probably doesn't help that Nate was also in town that weekend, and I didn't see him. It's not my fault he already had plans.
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