Everything and Nothing

I just don't know what to say. I want to say something, but at the same time I don't want to talk about it.

I've been way too busy. Been working on midterms... Nikki and I went on a lesbian sushi date the other night. That was fun. A new experience too. I had some delicious food that I've never had before (including sushi). Um, we're not really lesbians, but from the outside, we totally look like we are, so why not.

I get to go home this weekend! My birthday is Friday, and Nikki and I are getting a ride with her friend Kayla who lives in Nashville and whose birthday is the day after mine. She's going home for the weekend for her birthday, and we're going to tag along.

Mom wants to go to South Carolina to see Caleb. I don't know how we're going to manage this in a weekend. I want to, but I'd have to miss class Monday, and I really hate to miss class. If that doesn't happen though, I really want to go out to eat at Maggiano's or Mikado.

Or maybe I'll get drunk with Fonz and Cleve. That would be all right, too. Ha, cuz I told them I *might* be in town Saturday.

Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships?
Quite the opposite. I very much enjoy my alone time (that and sleep are gold nowadays). And in the current relationship I'm in now, I've grown so used to being apart, it's almost as if I'm not in a relationship at all.

Have you ever fallen over infront of someone you liked?
Hell, I don't know.

If you were on a bus and some random man grabbed your ass what would you do
I'm not sure what I would do...

Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after?
When I was young, my siblings and I fought dirty. Very, very dirty.

Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite)
No. I've specifically told Nate in the past not to do that. Not sure if he ever intended it or not, but I would be so angry if I got one. They're trashy.

Ever gave one?
Never.

Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type?
Shy, I suppose. But I'm not on the complete end of the spectrum.

Do you think it's weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner?
It looks stupid if not for theatrical purposes.

Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about?
Everything.

Are you flirty at all?
I have to hold back. A few guys flirt with me all the time, and I feel like it's wrong to flirt back because we both know I have a boyfriend. But I also think flirting is harmless, so long as both sides know it's not going to lead to anything else.

Are you racist at all?
I honestly don't think I am.

Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest)
That's too vague.

Do you own a pair of them really cool "geeky" glasses?
I own a pair of them really REAL prescription glasses...

Do you find it that younger girls are becoming more "tarty"?
I've never heard that word used in that context before. I'm going to go with yes.

Would you rather adopt or have your own child?
Well, I'd rather have my own, but adopting would eliminate pregnancy... haha.

Ever cried over laughter?
Plenty of times.

When you go to the beach do you always put sunscreen on?
Not always. I should. I don't often go to the beach...

Who was your last text from?
Pamp... We're on speaking terms again. As in, speaking every single day.

What did it say?
Drink drank its this pop that makes you sleep.
(he said "pop." How cute.)

Who was your last text sent to?
Him.

What did it say?
I sent him a picture of the project I did in class saying, "My one hour is up! :D A drink that helps you sleep, you say?"

Are you a stereotyper?
Um... Possibly.

Do you like loud noises?
No.

Do you sometimes wish some people had a mute button?
Ohhh yes.

What is the most personal question you have ever been asked?
I've been asked ever personal question under the sun.

What would you class as cheating on someone?
Being physically involved with someone else.

Do you care about other peoples feelings more than your own?
Unfortunately.

Are you for war or against it?
I'm against it, of course, but I'm also aware that it's inevitable.

Hoping For The Best...

...Just hoping nothing happens.

Those internal conflicts from December are back. I knew they would be though, so I'm not stressing over it so much this time. I'm just sitting on them. It's all the same stuff, and really I don't have to make any decisions for awhile. I'm focusing on myself. I'm focusing on school.

Speaking of which, I guess I fucked up my FAFSA or something because the school I'm hoping to go to next year is sending me emails saying to fix stuff...

I checked my FAFSA, which is all there. For this year AND last. The website the email is telling me to go to requires a username and password that can only be obtained by ALREADY ADMITTED STUDENTS. I can't fix the shit they want me to because I don't have an account on their website because I'm not a current student. The fuck is this shit? It's almost not worth it to go to that school anymore... I've got a few other options... (I'm not giving up. I'm just saying this is difficult as fuck).

I called home. No one answered.

I called the other day, though, and Johnny answered! He's well enough to be out of the hospital! He sounded rough and weak, but it's good to know he's doing better.

Instead of getting started early on homework (like I really, really should be doing). I'm going to watch My Week With Marilyn and probably fall asleep.

Thoughts

You people think I don't know shit.

I only wrote that because I just said it out loud to no one. I'm the only one here.

I hate being influenced. I hate being aware of the wolf and his tricks and still falling for them. On purpose. At the same time, I don't hate it.

Yay! I'm vague.

I completely forgot what else I was going to say here.

A lot of my midterms are due a week early, which means next week. So, I'm going to be extremely busy this weekend. I can do it though. Last semester I spent 6 straight hours a day 3 days in a row working on one sketchbook. I can get shit done.

Yeah, this was pointless. I had thoughts, but I haven't yet worded them.

Better

From what I've heard, Johnny is doing better. Such a relief.

Today, February 20th, I've decided to better myself. I'm tired of everything and need to make some major changes. I've drawn this conclusion and decision multiple times in the past. But, dammit! Maybe this time I'll actually do it.

EDIT: Later that night...

You're speaking all the right words with all the bright words
And I must say, it's quite impressive

(conversation about drinking coffee and my height leads to...)
P: Better than bouncing off the walls for an hour so you can crash and pass out lol guess how tall my last ex was?

Me: Maybe I need to bounce off the wall for awhile and then crash and pass out! Haha. I'm gonna guess 5'1". Am I close?

P: Not if youve got work to do lol and youre off by a foot 6'1" but i dumped her cuz i dont think i should be with a girl and like another girl more lol so now im just buggin you ;)

Me: Wow, she's tall! D: Aww, I feel kinda bad that you'd end relationships if that other person is me.

P: Ive had three gf around that height and a few in the upper four foot range lol and it was you but its not like you did anything wrong

He really was just with a girl and broke up with her...

I keep trying to remind myself that he's just a player with really good game, but after all these months I may be starting to believe him.

The way it looked before felt better from the window

Johnny had a heart attack. His blood sugar was so high, they couldn't read it. His kidneys failed. He has a white blood cell count of over 6000 and they don't know where the infection is. They got his kidneys working again but only at 20-30%. Which is good because he told mom once that if his kidneys failed, he would give up. Didn't want to be on dialysis. I've tried hard not to worry too much and not to cry. Failed. I told Nate, and he called me (he's only ever called me a handful of times, ever). I almost didn't answer because I can't stand to let anyone hear me cry over the phone. But I held myself together (barely) long enough for the conversation. I just hope everything is going to be okay...

Teal

So, as always, everything went better than expected. Cerberus comes off as a hardass sometimes, but they were pretty nice. Probably because my voice sounded like I was on the verge of tears. I don't know... When I get nervous, my voice gets really low, and it's hard to talk. haha. That class gives me way too much anxiety.

I'm pretty much finished with my homework (for tomorrow's class anyway) before midnight. I feel productive! Though it really wasn't much homework.

All that stress probably fed my stomach ulcer. yay.

I don't know what else to say actually. I'm too tired to think. Been exhausted for the last three days--3 hours a night just ain't cutting it.

Oh! I decided I'm going to dye my hair teal. Now I need to specify. I'm not dying my entire head. Only the bottom (peek-a-boo highlights [yeah I think the name is stupid too]). And it's not going to be a super vibrant color because that's not what I want. It's gonna be dark. I think it'll be pretty sweet. And I chose teal because, well, I just really fucking like it.

I'll talk more about other stuff and things tomorrow probably.

I'm going to sleep (before midnight!).

Failure by Design

I have really dug myself into a hole. I'm trying not to stress about it because I'm usually pretty good at getting out of these holes. But, let's face it, I'm stressed as fuck. I know everything is going to be okay, but I just don't know where to start.

I need to work on homework. I hope Cerberus is understanding on Thursday. I may email them. I hate when I get this way.

So, a little more insight on the gifts yesterday. As Nikki and I were waiting outside for the shittle(sic) this morning, she said that her and Dillon always joke that if she ever dies, Dillon and I will have to date, so he can continue to date the same person.

Footnote: Nikki and I always joke that we're the same person. Everyone who knows us knows that. It's because we're kinda inseparable and always seen together. I don't go to parties anymore and people still ask her at parties where I am.

So, yesterday, Dillon told Nikki he got a gift for "his other girlfriend." Which is me. Lol. I thought that was pretty funny.

Today they got into a fight and both had a terrible day. I feel bad because I was hoping it would be a good day for both of them. :\

I went to my morning class, but didn't go to my other class. I'm glad I didn't go because I wasn't feeling well, but at the same time, not going (and procrastinating) is what got me in this hole...

So, I guess I should really crack down on this homework.

Stop the Cupidity!

Today was a good day. Tomorrow... we'll see.

Dillon got me a CD today. Just because. He got me this:


Frankly. I think it's adorable. There's even a song on it called "My Valentine." Of course, he and I aren't each other's valentines, but I still think it's really sweet.

Nikki got me a rose! It's a coral color. I like it.

I feel abnormally special today. I'm def making both of them cards tomorrow. I wasn't expecting anything from anyone else!

So, I procrastinated all weekend of course. I fully intended to get shit done, but it just never happened. It's nights like these I hate myself.

I'm considering skipping one of my classes tomorrow. I can miss just one day, right? I'd like to not be bombarded and weighed down with the stress tomorrow. If I do skip, I am going to be devout in getting my homework done AND getting ahead.

But for now, I sleep.

Quit Playing Games With My Heart

Why do people keep popping in and out of my life? Is this a normal thing? Does this happen to everybody? More than once, more than twice, more than one person has left my life, cold turkey, with no goodbye, no parting words, just gone. And more than once, more than twice, more than one person has come back into my life out of nowhere, out of the blue, completely and totally randomly.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a text from Pamp waiting on my phone. After two straight months of completely ignoring me, he texts me out of the blue. Perhaps it's because he has a girlfriend now (who I haven't decided if I like her or not, but really my approval isn't needed and it's not my place to judge). Maybe he feels the playing field is fair now. We're both taken, so it's okay. I doubt it.

(EDIT: He eventually said "Eh, being mad's stupid and got old after however long it's been." Wow, looks like someone grew up a little).

So, the text said, "Joanna would you come here for a minute please we need to talk about your flair fifteens the minimum brian for example has 37 pieces of flair"

It's an Office Space quote. How dare he use one of my favorite movies against me!

Cue the Backstreet Boys "Quit Playing Games With My Heart."

Dammit.

I wasn't sure how to respond at first or if I should respond at all. But I did. Of course. We went back and forth with quotes for awhile.

Last night Eric invited Nikki and I to go to check out some galleries with him. Nobody ever invites us to anything... so it was quite nice. I like Eric. I like that he's interested in being friends with us even when both us have boyfriends.* I like that he wanted to get away from a girl that's obsessed with him, so he called us. So, the three of us went out for the night. I used this as an excuse to dress fancy. We never went to any galleries because it was already after 10pm haha. But we went to IHOP and had a gay old time. We invited Eric over for dinner tonight.

*I've learned that boys don't want to be my friend if there is not chance of eventually getting in my pants. Suppose I should have learned that a long time ago, but it kinda just clicked recently. So, when one of the few comes along who at least pretends like he's interested in friendship, it's kind of nice.

Maybe I'll come back to this and add more after our fun dinner is over.

It feels weird not doing a survey at the end of a post now, so...

What month is your birthday in?
My birthday is in 19 days!

How many serious relationships have you been in?
Just one. It's still very new to me. I find it absolutely baffling that I still like him (despite his lack of communication). I feel like this is turning into all I know, and I don't like that. I don't like being attached. I don't like the idea of "love." And I especially don't like the idea of someone "loving" me. It's terrifying.

Do you think you have a vivid imagination?
Ya know, I don't think I do. I don't think I'm all that creative either.

What was the last song you listened to?
"Every You Every Me" by Placebo. I've fallen quite in love with it.

How many hours a day do you spend on Facebook, if any?
Too many.

Do you own your favourite film on DVD?
No. I like having digital copies. It's less "stuff" to keep up with.

Do you listen to Mayday Parade?
Not really. I have liked some of their songs though.

What is your best friend’s name?
Jame, Nick, and Nikki.

How was your Christmas break?
It was good. Stressful on a personal level, but it was good to be away from this nightmare of a school and to get some sleep and to see my family.

Do you have trouble falling asleep at night?
Recently, yes. Very.

Name a song which reminds you of your childhood.
Anything from Britney Spears' first album.

What did you have for dinner yesterday?
A burger from IHOP. It was actually breakfast, lunch, and dinner at midnight. I don't eat much or often...

Are you on a laptop, desktop or phone/iPod?
Laptop. Might as well be a desktop.

Do you have any secret hiding places in your room?
Nowhere to hide.

What colour is the shirt you’re wearing right now?
Black. Like my coffee and my metal. (that's a direct reference to the shirt I'm wearing haha).

Do you have a lot of regrets?
Not many. In a way I regret going to this school. But I've met some pretty cool people here who I'm glad I met.

Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere?
I used to get that angry. Now I'm very good at controlling my anger and all my other emotions for that matter.

What’s the longest movie you’ve ever watched?
I don't know. Gangs of New York is pretty long. Avatar was 3 hours. The Lord of the Rings might take the cake.

Do you own an iPhone?
I do not.

What grade are you in at school, if you’re still at school?
Freshman all over again.

Have you ever been on a subway?
Nope.

Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day this year?
Not really. I ordered custom M&Ms with cute, funny, personal messages on them and got them sent to Nate. He should be receiving them tomorrow according to FedEx, but I'm going to tell him to wait til Tuesday to open them. I would have made him a card too, but I have no way of getting stamps to mail things... I assume he's sending me something as well because he asked for my address a couple weeks ago.

What genre of music do you listen to the most?
Indie/Folk. Some days I feel like listening to rock or metal or bluegrass, but mostly indie.

Are you in love?
I don't know...

Do you replace the toilet paper if you finish the roll?
Yes.

What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema?
I don't ever get anything at the movies. The overwhelming smell of popcorn makes me feel nauseated.

Look to your left and name five things you can see.
A wall.

Have you ever been to a concert?
I've been to a few. Good stuff. Good times.

What’s your opinion on Nicki Minaj?
I have no opinion. I don't care for her music.

Have you stayed awake all night to see the sunrise?
I've stayed up all night. I've seen the sunrise. I've never stayed up all night JUST to see the sunrise.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing?
Um. In a sense, yes, but also I kinda have no opinion on it. Like, it happens and that's cool, but it's nothing exceptionally enticing to me.

What can you hear right now?
Placebo. Felt like listening to them today.

Have you ever been on a boat?
Yes, but not with T-Pain. ):

Who is your favourite Youtuber?
YTWatchdog. Always. He's been MIA for 9 months. ):

Do you want to get married when you’re older?
I believe so.

Are you alone at the moment?
Yes. FOR ONCE.

Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity?
Haha, nah. I'm infatuated with a few though.

Generally speaking, do you like acoustic or original versions of songs better?
That's a tough one. I LOVE acoustic, but sometimes the original has better vocal range and faster tempo that I like.

Do you/did you get straight A’s in school?
DID.

What was the last band shirt you wore?
I'm wearing one right now. MSI

EDIT: She has annoyed me nonstop today. I am vowing today to be a decisive person because I now know how absolutely annoying and frustrating indecisive people are. Being indecisive is not something to be proud of. We spent way too long looking at stupid little gifts in the gift shop today. She has been acting like a little kid. She went to the store with him and got all upset because she couldn't get what she wanted. But she could have gotten what she wanted if she hadn't have made such a huge deal out of a stupid, tiny thing, throwing a fit and decided on her own that she no longer wanted anything. Somehow, I'm supposed to feel bad. When she got back, she felt sick all of a sudden. Now, she's going to bed or leaving all together (who knows, she's indecisive). I'm still going to cook food and have friends over. I'm not going to let this ruin my plans.

I just needed to vent here. I'd like to vent here about these kinds of things more often, but I usually keep them to myself... from myself.

Last One

I overslept today. I really need to quit getting 3 hours of sleep. It's really hard to get any sleep at all when it takes me 2 hours just to fall asleep no matter how tired I am. So, we're back to this again. I'd consider taking sleeping supplements if a)I could fit in the time for 8 hours of sleep a night and b)I weren't so prone to taking too much.

Anyway, Nikki woke me up, and we managed to get to school on time anyway like bosses. Only to find out class had been canceled. I mean, that's pretty sweet, but I actually kinda like this class and I was looking forward to showing off my awesome drawing in critique today cuz I'm pretty proud of it. Oh well.

Instead of spending my free day getting any work done, I cleaned my room. It really needed it and I've been meaning to clean it for weeks, so it was productive for me.

But, damn, do I have a lot of homework to do.

Final importances
If you had to give the whole world, one piece of advice it would be?
The best advice I can ever give is not to be too nice. You will pay for it every time. I wish I could practice what I preach, but I just can't stop being nice. I hate it because people take advantage of it so much. And that's one of the reasons I'm so unhappy all the time.

What is your quote?
A good thing is a good thing while it lasts and only because it does not last.

How do you want to be percieved by the world?
I guess I don't really care. I just want people to see me the way I am though, not something completely wrong. And if the world doesn't perceive me at all, that'll be all right too.

TMI?

So, normally I spend lunch time on Tuesdays and Thursdays doing homework for my 1pm class because, let's be honest, it's not like I'm going to do it before the last minute. But I got so little sleep last night and I feel so shitty today that I just can't concentrate on the work today. So, I'm not doing it right now... besides, it's not due today. Hopefully.

I think Nate is trying to illicit sexting, but I also think he doesn't know that I don't do that. I don't know. It makes me feel stupid. Maybe I'm prude, but I don't care for it. Ha. Also, I'm exhaustingly tired and sitting in the my school's library and can't be creative at the moment if I tried. I'm actually laughing at my self because he's being explicit and I don't know how to respond in the appropriate manner (or perhaps I'm being too "appropriate"). Ha, I don't care.

He just asked the stupidest question lol. I'm not going to relay that question here, but he did not word that well.

So, I'm writing this post earlier than most days. I probably won't add anything to it by the end of the day unless something not boring happens.

Your favourite:
Physical feature in other people?
I admire nice hands. And straight noses. Is that weird? I don't care.

Personality trait in other people?
I admire other people who stand up for themselves and don't take no shit from nobody. Haha, mostly because that's the opposite of me, and I slightly envy those people.

Physical feature on yourself?
This question was answered in a previous post.
(The "End" and "Home" keys do not work properly on mca keyboards. This shit is bananas. And annoying).

Personality trait you have?
Um. I'm awesome. I guess my favorite personality trait is my open-mindedness and acceptance. And my ability to not be easily phased or influenced or surprised. (Or maybe that makes me dull). I think what I'm trying to say is my "calm disposition."

Color?
Red.

Sport?
N/A

Sport to watch on TV/live?
N/A

Animal?
Manatee.

Pet?
Dog.

Bird?
Uh... sparrow,

Farm animal?
Cow or goat.

Arctic animal?
Polar bear.

TV show?
I guess currently The Voice. I don't even care; I love that show. But Seinfeld and Whose Line are favorites as well.

TV show genre?
I'm not sure. I don't watch much tv. I prefer movies.

Reality show?
Does The Voice count? Or would that be considered a competition show?

Movie?
It's hard to choose. I always say Drop Dead Fred, but I also love Office Space and Across The Universe and A Clockwork Orange and SLC Punk!.

Movie genre?
I actually really like fantasy movies (not like sci fi, but like mythical creatures and stuff) but there aren't many of those that aren't children's movies.

Disney movie?
The Road to El Dorado. Or The Emperor's New Groove.

Cartoon?
Looney Toons.

Cartoon character?
Foamy the squirrel (does he count?).

TV channel?
Comedy Central (for the stand up).

Magazine?
I guess the only magazine I kinda read sometimes is Psychology Today.

Book?
Water For Elephants. Runners Up: The Picture of Dorian Gray, Where the Red Fern Grows, and the Blue Bloods series.

Book genre?
I don't guess I have a favorite genre. I just read whatever piques my curiosity.

Author?
I like authors whose books I've never read. Instead of listing those, I'll say Oscar Wilde or Melissa De La Cruz.

Music genre?
Indie. Folk. Indie folk.

Music artist/band?
Blind Melon and Brighten. Always.

Actor/Actress?
Ben Barnes / Natalie Portman.

Comedian?
Mitch Hedberg or Aziz Ansari.

Celebrity?
I dunno... Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Historic figure?
Not sure if I have a favorite historic figure...

TV/movie character?
I'm getting tired of choosing favorites. Why is this section so long?

Designer?
Flower/plant?
Tree?
Natural wonder?

School subject?
English.

Continent?
Country?

US state?
Maine.

European country?
Asian country?
City?

Drink?
If water doesn't count than Cream Soda.

Hot drink?
Hot chocolate.

Soda?
If Cream Soda doesn't count than Cheerwine.

Alcoholic drink?
The tasty kind.

Milkshake flavour?
Banana pudding. If that sounds weird, you obviously have not lived.

Food in general?
Pizza and cheeseburgers and donuts. I like an well-rounded, all-american diet.

Meat?
Beef...? Am I answering this correctly?

Vegetables?
If potatoes don't count as french fries then probably onions or broccoli. Yeah, I feel you judging me.

Fruit?
Apples. Red ones.

Sandwhich filler?
Depends.

Toast topping?
Butter. Or butter and grape jelly together. Actually, I don't know if this counts but I eat pb&j's with toasted bread.

Pizza topping?
Hawaiian or Philly Cheese Steak.

Dessert?
ALL OF THEM. I like apple pie and blueberry donuts.

Candy/Chocolate bar?
Those cookies n' cream Hersheys. Or Butterfinger. Or you can never go wrong with Reese's.

Chocolate flavour?
White chocolate.

Crisps/Chips flavour?
Pickle!

Soup?
Broccoli and cheese.

Cake?
(I am so hungry right now, this is daunting). I'm actually not a very big fan of cake. But I like most cake so long as it's not chocolate. I think strawberry is my favorite.

Also, the band.

Breakfast?
I like most breakfast foods. Waffles, eggs, bacon, biscuits, etc. I especially like biscuits and gravy (southern food is the best food). Cereal is probably my favorite though because it's always good all the time any time of day. I always eat blueberry muffin+hot chocolate when I travel. That one's a novelty.

Sauce?
Dale's. Always.

Popcorn flavour?
I hate popcorn.

Ice cream?
Cookies 'n' Cream.

Cuisine?
huh?

Chinese food?
I love Chinese food. I guess my favorite is... it depends what cheap fake-Chinese buffet I'm at actually.

Indian food?
Not sure...

Itallian food?
Ravioli. It's hard to choose. I like all of it.

English food?
Like tea and crumpets...?

French food?
Beignet (is that even french?)

Mexican food?
Fajitas!

American food?
Pizza and Cheeseburgers... and bbq!

Favourite way to eat an egg?
I'm not a big fan of eggs. They're good with other stuff though.

Favourite way to eat a potato?
There's no bad way to eat a potato. As long as there are no potato skins.

Fast food restaurant?
BK.

Restaurant?
T.G.I Fridays

Store?
Clothing store?
Shoe store?
Accesories/jewellery store?
Underwear store?
Grocery store?
Hair salon?
Beauty salon?
Item of clothing?
Shoes you own?
Jewellery?
Makeup item?
Beauty product?
Shampoo?
TV character wardrobe?
Hobby to do indoors?
Hobby to do outdoors?
Electrical object?

Games console?
N64

Video game?
Conker's Bad Fur Day, or The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker or Oddworld: Munche's Oddysee

Computer game?
Fall Out 2.

Board game?
Battle of the Sexes, or any trivia-based game.

Childhood game?
Hide and seek!

Musical instrument?
Bass.

Baby names?
Car?
Truck?
Method of transport?
Season?
Month?
Holiday?

Weather?
Hot.

Day of the week?
The first one I get to sleep in for forever.

Quote?
Too many good ones...
"Good music is good music and that should be enough for anybody" -Bradley Nowell

EDIT: I had to quit writing this because I had to go to class. I just finished homework a couple hours ago and now it's 2am. Decided to get this finished. I should really sleep...

I've wasted so much time

I am so overwhelmed.

So much work to do. Mostly for one class. I would go back to my Drawing 1 teacher last semester who I thought was overwhelming at the time. She's nothing compared to this. I don't know what to do in this class anymore. The point of the class is to come up with an idea. Yes. I did that. But apparently my idea isn't specific enough. They didn't tell us in the beginning that they were going to be so damn picky about our ideas.

Anyway. I've got a lot of damn homework for that class ALL THE TIME. I've seen fellow college kids (only the ones who go to this school) complain about the complainers. They complain about the kids here who complain about homework. They say, "You're paying money to come here and LEARN. Do it." Yes, that is true. But at this point, I'm here against my will. I didn't even sign up for this class. The school put me in this class, and I can't drop it because I already dropped a different class... I just really hate this school.

After class, Nikki, Dillon, and I went to The Peabody Hotel just to hang out on the roof. There are ducks up there. I don't get it. It was pretty cool though. The hotel itself had a fancy atmosphere that made me feel like I didn't belong there.

Ryan just called me. His little production company is doing the PA for a wedding. His girlfriend is photographing the wedding. He just recruited me. Ha. I'm not nervous about it right now because it's not til June, but come June, I'm going to be a wreck. I know I photographed that one wedding before, but those were people who I actually know and have known for a very long time. These are going to be complete strangers. And I'm getting paid... I'm not a professional! I don't want them to end up hating the pictures... I'm glad it's a team thing. Kate can take all the good formal pictures. I'll just try to catch nice candid shots.

I should be doing homework.

Your ideal future.
What are your life ambitions?
To be happy, wherever I end up.

What would your ideal perfect career be?
Anything I'm happy with. I don't care how stupid it may sound, but I'd like to be a marine biologist and help protect manatees and other sea creatures.

Do you want to get married?
I think I do one day. I guess the idea of dying an old maid doesn't really sound appealing.

If you got divorced, would you ever remarry?
We'll see when (if) we get there.

Where would you ideally have your ceremony and venue/reception?
I don't care... Unlike a lot of girls, I've never really thought much about future wedding plans.

What would your wedding outfit look like?
I have no idea.

What food would you serve?
Pizza. Haha, nah, I have no idea.

What entertainment would you have?
Hellifino...

What cake would you have?
......

Theme or colour?
Omg

Flowers?
stop it

Transport?
I don't care

Who would be your bridesmaids and what colour would they wear?
Why is the majority of this section of this survey wedding-related? My bridesmaids would be my best female friends (so, like, 2 people) because I don't have any female family members other than my mom, aunt, and grandma. I don't know what colors.

Where would you honeymoon?
Somewhere nice.

What would you want your spouse to do for a career?
Whatever makes him happy.

Do you have or want children? If so, how many?
I guess I might want them someday.

What would you name your children?
I favor some names, but it depends what their dad and I agree on.

Ideally where would you love to live?
Maine.

Describe your perfect home?
I don't knowwwww. I don't think about the future. Not that far into anyway. Nor do I fantasize about a "perfect life."

What pets would you want and what would you name them?
ALL THE PETS

The perfect car?
No idea.

Burried or cremated, where?
Haven't decided. Bury me naturally in that one natural burial ground in California. If one exists closer to home though, use that one.

If you could plan your funeral what would you do?
I don't knowwww


This section of the survey was boring. I obviously have made no plans for my future and haven't thought much about it.

I'm really annoyed now. Some people who I live with, who, let me remind you, I am very thankful for, can really get under my skin sometimes.

Boozeday Tuesday

I'm feeling really good right about now. Despite having a less than good day. I mean, I stayed up all night writing that paper. I only slept roughly 3 hours. I got to the school at 7 (when it doesn't even open til 8:30) and did homework until 1. My morning class went just fine. Wasn't bad at all. My 1 o'clock class was kind of... no fun. I dunno. We did critiques, but I got put on the spot and couldn't think and kinda froze up and felt stupid.

I went to an artist lecture tonight. It was Mel Chin (I strongly suggest looking him up). He's great! He was an excellent speaker a very funny. If you can make an audience laugh, you can win their approval immediately. He's a cool dude though.

So, Nate just randomly told me "Hey I just wana let you know that you are extremely attractive and even if I wanted to look at other girls they keep reminding me of you and it makes it very hard to concentrate lol. Like you're in my head A LOT. Not that that's a bad thing ;) I'm just saying" If I were in a bad mood and wanted to be a typical girl, I'd over-analyze that and see "oh, so you are looking at other girls. It offends me that you looking at them reminds you of me. But on the other hand, good. I SHOULD come to mind when you're looking at other girls. If only to stop you from thinking about them and think of me instead." and so on. But really I just thought that was kinda cute. And, no, I don't find it suspicious. This time.

But what's adorable is this other guy I'm talking to (he knows I'm not single and doesn't ever really hit on me). We're talking about birthdays and his is coming up as well as mine, and he said he'd invite me to his party but he knows I won't be in town. And I said it would be fun, but I probably wouldn't have a ride. He said "...and I wish you could go to my potential part. I'd totally go to yours. I'll just wish for you to magically appear when I blow my candles out. :D" Haha, that made me smile. If I were single, I'd flirt back. But I don't want to be a "tease" or to lead anyone on.

It is such a mystery why people express such interest in you when you're NOT single. When I was single, everyone was too afraid to pursue me (until Nate took a swing at it ha). I guess they feel if they are rejected (which they will be), it's only because I already have a boyfriend. I guess it eases the pain of rejection in the sense that it's inevitable in this case, so you're hopes were never that far up to begin with this. I'm analyzing... in a good way! But perhaps the more likely thing is a primal instinct. A dominance thing. Males "fighting" for females trying to win them over. I'll quit now...


Morals and values.
What is the most important thing in your life?
Living and pursuing happiness. Others' happiness too. Perhaps more than my own. Who am I kidding, of course more than my own. It's fucked up, I know.

Do you judge people, honestly?
It's a natural instinct. Probably a survival mechanism if you really want to get into it.

Do you strive to fit in, follow the crowd?
In a sense, yes, But also no. I don't try to be "trendy," but I definitely don't try to stick out. I don't want to "fit" in. I just want to "blend" in. I want to become part of the wallpaper.

Do you think you are especially opinionated?
Nate is opinionated. Nikki is opinionated. After spending the last almost year of my life around these two, I realized, I'm not so opinionated (by comparison). I do have opinions. Some of them are very firm opinions. It's hard to tell what I'm like in person when you read what I'm like on this blog. I am certainly more opinionated and open here. In person, I'm much more bland, diluted version of this blog.

How much money makes happiness?
Just enough to where too little of it won't cause unhappiness. (Does that make sense? It makes sense in my head, but I don't know how effectively I worded it).

If you could enforce world rules/laws what would they be?
Government should not control its people, but rather, regulate and maintain order and peace. (again, I dunno if I worded that effectively).

What do you define as cheating?
Lying or giving oneself unfair advantages to win. If you mean in a relationship, that definition can still apply. I wouldn't go so far as to say flirting with someone else is cheating, but anything physically romantic is, in my opinion.

Would you ever adopt?
If I ever have kids, I'd like to have kids of my own, with my own DNA as well as my partner's.

How long after you or your partner giving birth would you go back to work?
I dunno. Whenever I feel well enough to work and my baby can be without me for long periods of time?

What do you think the key to happiness is?
Choosing it!

Define what success means to you?
I've answered this before in other surveys. Success is the point when you've reached complete contentment and satisfactory in life, and you couldn't ask for anything more. (I mean, everyone always wants something more, but I mean big things. You've got all your big accomplishments down).

What is the ingredient to a healthy relationship?
Honesty, communication, acceptance.

Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich. I don't want the attention, but I could use the money.

How would you want to become rich?
I guess by earning it through hard work. That's really the only satisfactory way to do it.

What would you want to be famous for?
I really don't know.

Would you rather be a model, actress, singer, fashion designer or author?
Out of those choices: author.

Honestly, what matters more to you.. Personality or appearance?
Well, definitely personality is more important. I don't care how good looking you are, if you're difficult to be around, then go fuck yourself (which I'm sure you'd love to).

What is the most you do for charity?
Um... I donated $1 to end world hunger when I ordered from Pizza Hut. Lol. Every time I use my debit card, Visa makes a donation to World Wildlife Fund. Does that count? (It doesn't come out of my own bank account. It comes from Visa).

What traits do you look for in a friend/partner?
A friend and partner can be two different things... Mostly I just like people who are laid back, who don't make big deals out of things, who aren't dramatic or obnoxious. I guess that's what everyone looks for.

Do you have a "type" when it comes to someones looks?
I never thought I did, but I really like dark hair, especially black (naturally, not that fake, damaged dyed shit). If someone have dark hair and light eyes, that's usually pretty appealing to me.

Do you forgive easily?
I think so. I believe it stems from being too nice. Both of which, I wish I could change...

What is the best revenge?
Being happy.

How many sexual partners does it take to consider someone promiscuous?
Um... It depends how far apart they are. Two in one week is kinda gross as it is, but I know people do it all the time. I dunno. With me, I couldn't do that. If I'm going to be sexually active with anyone, I'm gonna have to know them and be romantically involved with them for a pretty long time. You'd actually be amazed. You might even be proud of me.

How many sexual partners have you had?
One.

If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?
Italy. I want to see Rome.

You're having a baby with the last person you KISSED, what do you do?
Um... give birth? I'm not being a smartass. I really don't know how else to answer this.

You're a single parent, do you let the other parent see the child, how often?
I'm not going to be a single parent. And if by some chance I am, I will make him see his child. I'm not one for putting people on guilt trips because they make me feel guilty myself, but if baby daddy doesn't want to live up to his responsibility, I'm going to make him feel like shit for it. Of course, none of that will ever happen.

What period/era/time in history interests you the most?
I'd say ancient times. Greek, Roman, Egyptian.

If you could time travel, would you travel to the past or future?
Neither. Fuck that shit.

You're deserted on an island, which 5 items would you take?
Okay, so if I were taking 5 items, doesn't that imply that I'm preparing to be deserted? If I knew I was about to be deserted, why would I go? Being deserted tends to happen unexpectedly. In which case, I'd have whatever the hell was on me at the time. But, anyway... I'd bring another person (sorry for dragging you into this, bro), a shelter, some food, fresh water, and a survival kit. Oh, sorry, I took the question to seriously.

You have 3 wishes? What are they? (no wishing for more wishes)
I wish for more genies, motherfucker!

If you HAD to choose between your friend or your love, who would it be?
Depends which friend. I dunno... I've never been one to choose my significant other over my friends...

You have to cook a starter, main and dessert for a stranger, what are they?
Starter would be... fuck, I don't know, potato chips (even though I didn't cook them). Hamburger steak! (everyone likes my hamburger steak. Stranger better not be vegetarian!). Funnel cake for dessert. Because who doesn't like funnel cake?

What do you do to relax?
Sleep.

If you had to become a teacher, which age group/grade would you teach?
High school. If I wanted elementary, I'd work at a zoo instead. Middle school kids are horrible all being angsty and going through their awkward puberty stages and weird emotional bipolarness.

Money or love?
Love.

What were you labelled at school? Or what clique were you in?
Cliques weren't black and white entities when I was in school. I was in the gray area.

What do people label you now?
Campbell's. Hellifino.

If you wrote a story or movie what would it be about?
I really don't know and I'm way too tired to make something up. Probably something awesome.

Do you prefer TV, movies or books?
Movies. Though, I've really been trying to get back into reading. Fuck TV.

What topics interest you the most?
Oman. Just go to my tumbler and read my "Interests" list on my About Me page.

What would be the perfect first date?
One where you really got to know the person and got some real insight on them and had fun the entire time.

If you could have any superpower what would it be?
TIME CONTROL

Late Night

Well it's 2am (this post is going to say 10pm, but I did that because I knew I would be writing this in the AM hours, so I went ahead and saved a draft in yesterday's date). I just finished writing a paper. I mean, it's an 800-word paper, but that's pretty short by college standards. I know next year, at real school, I'll be writing 10-page papers. To put that into perspective, 800 words is about 3 pages.

Yeah, so other than Art History class, that paper is the only thing I did today. I suck.

Your opinions on:
Abortion?
I am pro-choice. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm "pro-abortion" which is what pro-lifers don't seem to understand. I just don't believe in taking away that choice. And whether abortion is legal or not, abortion rates are going to stay the same. So, it might as well me legal and SAFE.

Sex before marriage?
I don't see a problem with premarital sex. Some kids need to grow up before having sex, NOT have sex to grow up.

Having children before marriage?
If BOTH parents plan to take care of the child, and even better if it is a planned pregnancy, then by all means.

Teen pregnancy?
I read somewhere that teen pregnancy is at it's lowest that his been at in, like, decades. I found that surprising considering I feel like we're in a baby boom. Teenage parents are not ideal parents. If you're going to be that irresponsible, you should gain some responsibility pretty damn quick and don't leave your child to be raised by his/her grandparents. Sixteen and pregnant? Sixteen and stupid.

Mature pregnancy (40+)?
I don't that 40+ is an ideal age to have kids, BUT I do feel parents of that age are very capable of caring for parents, and definitely more so than teenagers. (I'm keeping in mind that my dad was 40 when I was born).

Birth control?
YES, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, USE IT.

Marriage?
I feel like marriage is a lost cause. It meant something once upon a time, but society has changed. It's fast-paced and ADD and no one can commit to a person any longer than they can keep their attention on a Youtube video that exceeds two minutes.


Teen marriages?
Every I went to high school with who didn't already have a baby is getting engaged. I think they're all naive and stupid.

Open relationships/marriages?
Hell, if both people in the relationship are genuinely happy that way, go for it!

Polygamy/Plural marriage?
Same answer as above, though I think in these cases, the wives, as much as they pretend to be, are not happy. I think everyone deserves to be happy...

Pornography?
I don't care for it one way or the other. It's not harming anybody, so why not?

Prostitution?
Really, that's just unsanitary and spreads diseases. I'm not for it.

War?
I don't agree with it, and I believe ideally there should be know war. But I'm smart enough to know that war is inevitable and will never end. So, I accept there's not much we can do about it.

Military?
I'm proud of (most) our military because they're actually doing something. Instead of flipping burgers, they're fighting for the rest of our rights to shove those burgers down our throats. Of course, there are always a few bad apples (the ones we hear about on the news), but you'll find those anywhere.

Death penalty?
I'm really on the fence with this one. On the one hand, I don't believe it's right to take anybody's life. But on the other hand, I believe some people just should not exist. I don't know...

Taxes?
Makes the world go round. (ha!) No, but I'm not ignorant enough to say, "there should be no taxes!" I just wish our tax dollars actually went towards something productive and useful and actually towards this country instead of thousand-dollar haircuts and beach houses (mansions, rather) for people who do nothing but argue and disagree all damn day.

Legalization of Marijuana?
I don't really care if it's legal or not. I feel that if it did become legal, it's use would diminish. Like prohibition. (I could write paragraphs upon paragraphs about this, but I'm kinda tired and need to wake up in 3 hours, so I'm not going to take the time to do that).

Drinking age?
Kids are going to drink at whatever age they damn well please.

Politics?
Probably the worst thing to ever happen to this planet.

Homosexual marriage?
Let gays marry each other! Maybe they'll set a good example of how to actually STAY together. Maybe instead of "taking the sanctity out of marriage" they'll put some meaning back into it. And two people of ANY gender getting married does not affect anyone else except those two people alone. I really don't understand why anyone else would care or put so much fucking effort into something that doesn't even concern them. Oh, but it goes against the hate-book of your religion? This nation was founded on the FREEDOM of religion (not yours alone, religious OPPRESSION is what we ran away from when we created this nation). Also, there is such thing as separation of church and state. I take that back, there's SUPPOSED to be such a thing.

Homosexual adoption?
I'm all for it. Adoption is actually getting and PAYING for a child that you WANT. As opposed to getting knocked up and feeling obliged to look after this thing that "ruined your life." Also, it has been proven that gay communities are among the safest, thus, an excellent environment for children to be brought up in.

Global warming?
I'm not sure. I believe it's just earth's natural cycle, but humans may be catalyzing it.

Hunting?
If it's your means of survival, then by all means. That's the order of things. I don't like it for sport though. I think it's cruel. Unfortunately, I grew up in the south and have been around it all the time.

Equality?
I absolutely believe in equality and wish it existed.

World peace?
In my mind, that would be ideal. But I know it is also impossible.

Evolution?
Wasn't this on the last section of the survey? Yes, I believe in Evolution. Until something that makes more sense comes a long (it won't).

Religion?
In one sense, I see religion as a good thing. Instead of taking the time to explain all of this, you know the morals and keeping people "good" stuff, I'm just going to make a few key points. I think it's kind of shitty that people need an incentive not to be bad. I think it's nice for children who feel alone to find comfort in a God watching over them and protecting them. But for the most part, I think religion is evil, especially organized religion, and does nothing but spawn brainwashed drones who are taught, drilled even, to do as they are told, always, without question.

Racism?
Something that I can't believe still exists today. We should be more civilized now, but as long there are stereotypes, and people actually BEING those stereotypes, there will be prejudices.

Cosmetic surgery?
Disgusting. I think plastic surgery makes people look worse 99% of the time. If it's something like a skin graft for a burn victim, then yeah I'm all for it. Or something that promotes a healthier life style, like gastric bypass, then I think that's great. But if you want bigger boobs or lips or less wrinkles, then you just need to fall in a hole.

Divorce?
More common than marriage nowadays.

Free speech?
Absolutely. Nobody should be punished for simply saying their own views on something.

And if I kept all of my promises to you...

...would it be possible for you to do the same?

This one is a little late today because I actually just got done hanging out with people, which is almost always a nice time.

Well, today Nikki and I went on an adventure. We walked to a record store up the street. I bought a Beatles Interview CD for like 5 bucks. I'm going to give it to my dad. Figure it's something interesting and new for him to listen to. (Not "new" cuz I'm sure he heard them when they happened, but it's something different). We spent a little too much time in the record store.

Then we walked to Kroger and did the second half of our grocery shopping. But by the time we were done, it was dark outside. We didn't want to walk home in the dark a mile+ away carrying groceries. That's dangerous! So, we called up Eric, and he came and got us cuz he's a good friend and an awesome guy. Then we cooked dinner and Dillon came over and Eric came over. And we ate food and watched tv (Mostly To Catch a Predator lol) and had a gay old merry time. It was nice.

Oh, we didn't watch the superbowl. For some reason, I have never liked the Giants, so I was a little disappointed.

Here's the next part:

Your beliefs on:
God?
I do not believe in a God or the possibility of one. I don't want to sound like one of those arrogant atheists who are just as closed-minded as Christians, but I firmly do not believe and cannot fathom even the possibility of something so illogical as a higher being.

Angels?
Of course not.

Demons?
Obviously not...

Heaven and hell?
Absolutely not.

Aliens?
I believe we can't be the only living beings in this entire universe. Whether they have visited our planet or not, I have no opinion one way or the other.

Ghosts?
I don't believe in ghosts, and this is a recent thing I've crossed off my list. There's just nothing logical about the existence of ghosts.

Witches/Witchcraft?
Well... yes, I believe these exists, but I don't believe in magic. Wicca is a thing, and followers of such a religion are termed "witches."

Magic?
Silly.

The devil?
Not at all.

Vampires?
I'm not a toddler anymore.

Miracles?
Maybe happy coincidences.

Luck?
I like to use the term "lucky" and such, but I think everything happens at random.

Karma?
I'd like to believe in karma. It's a nice concept. And I do say things happen because of karma, but, again, deep down, I don't believe in it being an actual thing.

Destiny/Fate?
I believe everything happens at random. There is no reason for anything.

Time travel?
Nope.

Love?
This whole survey has made me seem like such a cynic. I'm mostly a skeptic and question everything. I've questioned the existence of real, actual "love" a lot. I believe it exists, but it's very rare.

Psychics?
Full of shit.

Creation?
Load of shit.

Evolution?
Yes, definitely.

Your beliefs on the apocalypse, when and how?
If we don't wipe ourselves out with nuclear warfare/radiation or overpopulation/diminished resources, etc, then the sun will die, as all stars do, millions, perhaps billions, of years from now and end this solar system.

What do you believe happens when we die?
Absolutely nothing. Once your heart stops beating, that's it.

Are you religious or spiritual?
Neither.

If so, what religion do you follow?
Science. "The devil's tool"

If you were to marry, would you include your religion?
I've thought about that, actually. I think eventually I'd like to marry someone with similar beliefs as myself. Mostly so our kids won't be raised with conflicting beliefs (I don't want to push any beliefs on my kids. If they grow up and decide they want to be devout, hardcore, bible-thumping Christians, then that'll be their own choice). This means that I know I'm not going to end up marrying Nate ever. Unless by some chance he becomes a non-believer. Then I'd feel unbelievably (no pun intended lol) guilty.


So, I took a "color genetics" test earlier. It's funny how I just got finished saying I don't believe in pretty much anything, then here I am doing silly online psychology tests. But psychology is a science, and I believe in science. So, that said, these results are scarily accurate.

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

You are experiencing more than your fair share of stress following an acute disappointment. This may be the result of subconscious conflict between hope and necessity. The tension that you are experiencing following your unfulfilled hopes have given rise to anxious uncertainty. You have no doubt that things could get better in the future and so you refuse to make the necessary essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, you are likely to vacillate and concern yourself with trivialities of little consequence.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

Now, I don't know if this is just so generic that anyone can find some situation in their current life to relate to it or what, but the part that I put in bold definitely hits pretty hard. And with the content of this blog as evidence, it's quite obvious what that part is about. The last part isn't so true. Mostly because I've already resolved all that. I told myself a long time ago that my problems are caused by me and me alone. I've already figured out that it's easier to smile than to be miserable all the time. Though, I do still get miserable. I just don't stay stay that way for unbearable amounts of time...

Are you okay?

Today, Nikki, J.T., and I had lunch at Pei Wei (I don't know why so many people say they don't like it. I think it's pretty good). Then we spent way too much time in Target, but we did get some groceries and things we needed! But fuck Target for groceries. They're way too expensive. Then I deposited my check. Um... not much else happened today.

Here's the next part of the survey:

Appearance.
Do you think you're beautiful?
I don't know. I really, really hate the word beautiful. It has been diluted so much. I think I'm easy on the eyes. I mean, I don't have low self esteem. There are specific assets of mine that I don't like, but those are specific things. And everybody has those.

Eye colour?
They're really mostly brown at first glance. In bright lighting, they can look gold-ish, and close up, they're green around the edges. But the short answer is: brown. Or light brown.

Glasses/contacts?
Both.

Natural hair colour?
Dull light brown.

Current hair colour?
Darker brown.

Hair length?
Just above my shoulders.

Skin colour?
Pasty.

Height?
5'3"

Weight?
~110

Body shape?
Um... normal? Oh, thin, I guess.

Bra size?
32C (I think it's a conspiracy. I refuse to believe they're C)

Clothing size?
Um... Medium? I wear size three in pants. Medium in everything else. There's too many different sizes for different articles of clothing!

Shoe size?
6.5-7

Tattoos?
N/A

Piercings?
N/A

Birthmarks or moles?
I have a small mole on my chest at the base(?) of my right boob. Yes, I said it.

The feature you get compliments about the most?
I really don't know. If people compliment me at all, I don't keep up with it.

Your favourite feature?
I like the shape of my eyes and my eyebrows. And my arms. Is that weird?

What makeup do you wear?
Just foundation pretty much. Mostly because everything else is a bitch to wash off.

Any special beauty products you use without fail/Beauty tips?
I dunno. I'm not that much of a girly girl.

Any fashion don'ts?
Um. Not that I can think of at the moment.

Are you on a diet, if so what?
No. I should eat healthier though. Maybe I'd feel less shitty all the time.

Have you ever had/wanted cosmetic surgery? If so what?
Never had it; don't want none.

Do you wear a wig/hair extensions?
Nope.

Are your nails real, all yours and natural?
Au naturale.

Do you wear false lashes?
Never.

Do you wear false tan or catch a real tan?
Real tan. Even though that's deadly.

What would you say your style is?
Whatever I want!

Every women should own..?
Pepper spray. It's not safe for women to even exist in this world anymore.

Do you have a fashion fetish?
Not at all.

What clothing do you feel sexiest in?
Um... something I'm not uncomfortable in.

You'll always be found wearing?
Clothes. Yes. You will never see me not wearing clothes. Unless at some point we are in, and have been for quite awhile, a very intimate romantically involved relationship.

So, as I was filling out this part of the survey, I was texting Nate. The conversation went as follows:

(several hours ago... this was sent after MANY hours of zero textual communication)
Nate: I just got back from the mall. I'm sorry I didn't text that much [Hayley's commentary: "that much"=not at all], it was really busy there. So how bout I saw someone that looked almost exactly like you and I'm like OMG BABY GIRL but it wasn't you..... It made me sad

By now, I'm just really tired of the the ignoring. I was obviously not in the mood to be all chipper and enthusiastic, so I wasn't. I texted in the same tone how I felt. And I didn't add anything to the conversation because I didn't know the next time it would be answered. I didn't really care to put any effort into continuing the conversation. Such as it goes...

Me: It was my real twin. We were separated at birth.
Nate: Are you busy baby? If not how was your day?
Me: Not busy at all. My day was pretty good. Finally got some things done that we needed. Now I'm just sitting alone. All my roommates are gone for the night.
Nate: I'm watching the Boondock Saints at the moment :). Why are you sitting alone, you should be out partying it up in memphis. And where is nikki and are you happy to be alone?
Me: Nikki went Dillon's. I don't like partying here. And I enjoy being alone.
(2 hours later)
Nate: Baby.... when you say that I feel kinda sad. Idono why, I think just because I
really wana see you and make you not lonely anymore. I keep fading in and out of consciousness. Are you tired yet?
Are you ok....? Like how are you doing?
Me: I'm okay. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely. And when I'm lonely, I'm not always alone. Why don't you go to sleep then?
Nate: Because I want to keep talking to you.
Me: But we haven't even been talking.
Nate: And thats a good enough reason for me baby :). I like talking to you cuz it makes everything seem better with the world. Makes shit less shitty uno
Yea well that's a reason to stay up. So we can keep talking unless you don't want to?
Me: You should listen to Life Ain't So Shitty by Blind Melon. One of my favorite songs. Then again, every Blind Melon song is one of my favorites.
I have no reason not to want to...
Nate: I think you've showed that song to me before. Okay seriously is something wrong....? You seem really different tonight.
Wana skype
Me: Nothing. I'll get on Skype.

Then we skyped for a minute. I did enjoy looking at his face. Even if he completely and absolutely SUCKS at communication, I still like his face.

I've been seeing creatures...

...getting comfortable around this place.

Oh, Friday. My weeks are so long now. Probably because this semester I have 5 days a week as opposed to just 3 days a week. Fridays are always fresh days, I suppose.

I'm so tired... I plan to go to bed soon (yes, this early) and sleep for a very, very long time.

I got my check today. It's $300 less than I was expecting. I was hoping it would be the same amount as last semester. I don't know why it went down. It's still a lot of money though, it'll just be hard to stretch it over the next 4 months.

Um... as much as I'd like to, I'm not going to use this post to complain about the same person I always do. It's just the same shit as always. I've really been considering what I considered back in December. It's just... I don't know. I'm really on the fence.

I want to do this survey, but it's super long. So I'm going to break it up over a few days.

Basic information.
Describe yourself/personality in positive points:
I'm nice and friendly and extremely understanding and accepting.

Describe yourself/personality in negative points:
I'm still too shy to really make new friends. I'm getting better though.

Full name?
Hayley Lynn Warf.

Nicknames?
People call me Wolf Haley sometimes. Too bad I think Tyler, The Creator makes shitty music. AJ calls me Young Hayley. Idk why he does, but I like that name much better.

Birthday?
March 2, 1993.

Birthplace/home town?
Nashville/Dickson, TN

Current home location?
Memphis, TN

Nationality?
American.

Ethnicity?
Pasty.

Sexual preference?
Boys.

Relationship status?
Taken, loosely.

Living situation?
I live in a dorm full of pretentious hipsters.

Parents?
I have some, yes. They're divorced. I get along with both of them. My mom is the one I've live with most of my life. My daddy never says "no" to me, but in no way am I spoiled or "a princess" because of it. I just got really upset... I miss home.

Any siblings?
Johnny, Josh, Ryan, and Caleb. (I have a step sister too, but I don't really know her anymore).

Any children?
Nope. Don't expect any anytime soon.

Any pets?
Taz is my bby. :3 He's a chow/pit mix.

Zodiac sign?
Pisces. Though I don't believe in anything supernatural and I think it's all made-up bullshit, I have always found my sign to be uncannily fitting.

Your job/career?
I have none yet. I'm working toward one, but I don't know if any of this is worth it. I can only hope so.

Completed education?
High school and one semester of college so far.

Schools from first to last/current:
SBES, TGES, WAWES, DMS, DCHS, and MCA. (I went to 3 elementary schools-that was during my parents' divorce).

How often do you smoke?
Never.

How often do you drink alcohol?
I drank on New Years, and that was the first time in several months.

How often do you do drugs?
Never.

How often do you smoke weed?
Wouldn't that fall under the category of "doing drugs?" Some may argue "no." Those people are stupid.

How often do you work out?
Not enough.

Do you have a criminal record? If so, why?
Not as far as I know. Because I don't break the law.

Are you a virgin?
The other night on the shuttle, Dimitri sat next to me and said "I'm sitting next to you. You're not as likely to get killed." or something along those lines. I asked why, and he said, "Because you're white... and possibly a virgin." I had to suppress a snort of laughter. I was not expecting that.

If not, how old were you, where did you lose it and who to?
Though all these things can be figured out through deductive reasoning, I believe this is really only my business.

Do you regret it?
I have very few, if any, regrets in life.

Do you drive? (if so, what)
No. I haven't gotten around to that just yet...

Your fears/Phobias?
Pills. Tornadoes. Death.

Your weakness?
Cute animals. Like puppies and bunnies. :3

Special talents?
I don't think I have any. I'm not being modest either. Like, I can't play any instruments and I'm not all that creative. I suppose I can be good at English, but only by comparison because this nation is fucking stupid now. I'm not going to say art because I believe anybody can do what I do, so it's not that special.


I'll do the rest of this over the next few days... if I feel like it. I'm going to sleep now.

The Rain

It's cute how all these guys text me all the time, but my own boyfriend hardly does. I understand he's busy and responsible with doing his homework all the time. But as I've said before, texting is minimal effort. It's not going to take away from your very extensive studiousness to send a quick response... I dunno. I'll never get used to this.

Besides, I know he doesn't have that much homework. I'm sure he has a lot, but not hours on end of it all day every day.

I dunno. Like, it used to feel like he was ignoring me. Now it feels like he's avoiding me. I know when he finally does text me back it'll be just to say he's going to bed. So, I'm just going to go ahead and go to bed first instead of staying up and waiting for what I already know is coming.

And, like, the other night he called me to ask me the name a movie or something, and at the end of the conversation he asked if I wanted to skype later, and I said yes. Well, he never brought it back up again and eventually told me he was going to bed, and I didn't tell him so, but I was very disappointed. I had my hopes up...

Yesterday he asked if I was okay. I asked why and he said I seemed unhappy. I told him I'm always unhappy, so I should just seem normal. I explained to him that I don't make it obvious because it's nobody's problem but mine. Which is true. No one else cares, and they shouldn't.

In other news, procrastination has gotten no better... I've been doing pretty good at keeping up with my work, but tomorrow, I will be a bit behind. I have a project due tomorrow (which I did tonight), and I'm supposed to have a lot of stuff in my sketchbook too, but the sketchbook stuff hasn't been done. Cerberus isn't going to check that until Feb.7th though. So I got time.

I get my check tomorrow! I could have gotten it today, but by the time I remembered, I had to go to class. So, hopefully tomorrow I'll be about $900 richer. It has to last me until May though. I can do it.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day.