I'm tired of feeling inadequate. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The smallest things make me get really down on myself. Whatever.
Here are some notes:
-I love to climb stairs. I never get tired walking up a flight of stairs.
-I like bland food.
-The only thing I want in my adult life is a house with a fireplace and a loft.
I want to start an art blog over this winter break.
I want to do art. Lots of hand lettering!
I will design the interface myself!
I also need to code my own website. I think I'm going to get started on some of this right now.
I need to talk about school a little.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Thursday, December 4, 2014
No Shame
Nate thinks just because I have a FWB that I'm some kind of freak in bed now. He keeps asking these weird sexual things like do I like it soft or rough or if I'd consider having a threeway with another girl involved (not to mention all the butt stuff he is so obsessed with). I am pretty typical in my affairs. I don't get too crazy. I'm insecure enough with just one person.
It doesn't help that I kinda agreed that I would give sleeping with him another chance. But I mean, I'll only do that when I'm ready. And I'm not quite sure if now is the right time for that.
Anyway, I made some innuendo jokes to Jack through text, and that prompted him to ask if I want to stay the night at his house - exactly what I wanted.
I need to talk about a few things in my next post: my dog situation and school mostly.
I have been listening to Hoodie Allen and Jhameel lately. And I have zero shame - that goes towards my music tastes AND my private life.
It doesn't help that I kinda agreed that I would give sleeping with him another chance. But I mean, I'll only do that when I'm ready. And I'm not quite sure if now is the right time for that.
Anyway, I made some innuendo jokes to Jack through text, and that prompted him to ask if I want to stay the night at his house - exactly what I wanted.
I need to talk about a few things in my next post: my dog situation and school mostly.
I have been listening to Hoodie Allen and Jhameel lately. And I have zero shame - that goes towards my music tastes AND my private life.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Where I'm at Right Now
I am still very confused and conflicted.
I was starting to think things were different. I stayed the night at his house twice this week because he wanted me to. I guess that felt like a "moving forward" kinda thing. I still think I'm the only girl he is seeing, but I still have my doubts because I know I don't have to be. It would be totally okay for him to see whoever whenever because we're not committed.
I mean, he never stays the night at my house, but he asked me to stay at his. It makes sense since he doesn't have any roommates and I do. And we are still keeping this a secret from the roommates (but, I mean, they have GOT to know by now; there's no way they haven't figured it out).
I just still can't stand that none of this has been addressed. We didn't agree to keep it a secret. We haven't talked about any of this!
Anyway, I am so full of doubts, and my doubts stem from the way he talks to his friends, especially about girls. As it stands now, if he wanted to make something of this, like actually be in a relationship, I don't think I would.
Something about him makes me feel insecure. I don't feel like I can be myself around me. I feel like he judges me or would judge me for so many things.
And I have also been running other "suitors" off because of this thing I have going with Jack, but I don't know if I really need to do that. I could have sex with anyone. Really. I could get into a committed relationship in a second. There are people I would be willing to do that with. I don't know why I keep this going. I guess it's the fact that it keeps me guessing. I really don't know. It's just kinda "new" and I like new and exciting. I need something newer and more exciting to come along...
I was starting to think things were different. I stayed the night at his house twice this week because he wanted me to. I guess that felt like a "moving forward" kinda thing. I still think I'm the only girl he is seeing, but I still have my doubts because I know I don't have to be. It would be totally okay for him to see whoever whenever because we're not committed.
I mean, he never stays the night at my house, but he asked me to stay at his. It makes sense since he doesn't have any roommates and I do. And we are still keeping this a secret from the roommates (but, I mean, they have GOT to know by now; there's no way they haven't figured it out).
I just still can't stand that none of this has been addressed. We didn't agree to keep it a secret. We haven't talked about any of this!
Anyway, I am so full of doubts, and my doubts stem from the way he talks to his friends, especially about girls. As it stands now, if he wanted to make something of this, like actually be in a relationship, I don't think I would.
Something about him makes me feel insecure. I don't feel like I can be myself around me. I feel like he judges me or would judge me for so many things.
And I have also been running other "suitors" off because of this thing I have going with Jack, but I don't know if I really need to do that. I could have sex with anyone. Really. I could get into a committed relationship in a second. There are people I would be willing to do that with. I don't know why I keep this going. I guess it's the fact that it keeps me guessing. I really don't know. It's just kinda "new" and I like new and exciting. I need something newer and more exciting to come along...
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