You are what you attract? This simply isn't true. Make your intentions pure and they'll rip you in two. What is innocent with a heart full will always be prey to the wolf. For his charm, his trap, his jaws, his grin, the feeble fall... Again and again and again.

this was never real

After a new development having my suspicions confirmed as they always are, the boy is not that great. In fact, my paranoia was sound as usual, and I'm just another one. The notion never left the back of my head, and I'm thankful for that.

I know where I stand.

Consequently, I know not to progress any further. Not that much progress was ever made.

I just can't win. But I'm not too hurt since I knew this was never real.

boy

I like Aaron because he doesn't make my life hard. Other than the "what are we?" uncertainty, things have been pretty easy with him. We get go out for ice cream or sushi sometimes and we sleep together. That's it.

I'd prefer someone who wants to do things together that aren't little dates. Someone who wants to adventure, hang out with friends, and hang out just to hang out. As it is now, he still hasn't met any of my friends. I just can't get him to. He doesn't attend functions with me.

He has met my family though. He met my mom once awhile back. More recently, I stayed the night at his house. The next morning I told him I had to go to my mom's for dinner, he asked if he could go. I told him my whole family was going to be there, and he was fine with that. So he met all of them. It was a nice time, I suppose. We came back to Nashville and I ended up staying at his place again.

I still feel so emotionally unattached, but after those two days together, my "like" for him had peaked. I was really digging him for the next couple days.

I haven't figured out yet if he is a "skip the bullshit" kind of person and just does the relationship stuff (dates, sex, meeting family) without all the gray area (hanging out without a purpose, meeting friends). Sometimes I question if this is what he thinks a relationship is. Sometimes I wonder if he's a psychopath and can feel nothing... but I'm leaning toward he just likes having sex with me. Because why wouldn't he? I've learned that's where I'm most valuable.

Not feeling so great lately. Physically. Mentally. I feel sick and I feel sad.


I'm not sure why.