Affect / Effect

I talked to David today. He is moving out of state and gave me some belongings of mine that I had accidentally left behind.

He told me how I inadvertently and indirectly helped him come to some realizations and, to some degree, saved his life.

Some words that I had said to him (something along the lines of "you're over competitive") repeated in his head and made him come to terms with who he is. Allowing him to shed his passive shell and just start speaking his mind. I think he implied that the complacency he was living in had the potential to drive him over the edge... Maybe? Thus, saving him from reaching that point.

He also wanted to share with me the things that he feels are my flaws. And I agree with his points. Those being:

1). I'm too agreeable and need to speak up for my self

2). He thinks I subconsciously want to be a mother due to my nurturing nature despite the disdain I have expressed toward children. He gestured at my house full of animals as his exhibit A. He afraid I'm going to realize it too late and have regrets. I get we'll just have to see about that one.

3). I come off as a man-hater. And he's not wrong. We both know I don't hate the men in my life. But I explained to him that I dislike the idea of men. The stereotypical man. And he gets where I'm coming from but feels no one should blatantly perceive the other side as outright bad but should instead point out where they can improve. I think... That's not how he worded it but I believe that's sort of the point he was making.

I hate the overall theme of the experiences I've had with men though.

So, there's that. I'm glad he got to get all that off his chest. It was nice to talk about things and perhaps get some closure we both needed? I'm not sure I really talked about closure, but it was nice to know we can still get along.

After 2 full days, I asked his roommate if Lane was OK. He says he has been playing a computer game this entire time.

I gotta say, I was furious.

It's been like 5 hours and I'm still pretty fucking angry.

He himself finally texted me a couple hours ago "hey babe how are you?" like it was nothing.

I wanted to be petty.

He is Bipolar (takes medications for it daily) and, of course, can have episodes. So just in case this was a bipolar-induced depressive episode, I bit my textual tongue and texted back a normal response. I've been having a "normal" conversation with him despite just being in a shit-ass mood the entire time.

He'll hear about this. Just not right now.

He told me he was stressing about school and potentially not graduating and it seems a lot of pressure is getting to him.

So I tried to be the best girlfriend I could be and give him words of encouragement.

It's hard to be nice when you don't want to. It really is.

So, he seems all fine now, and I'm going to bed angry, yet again.

It's not entirely his fault. I don't come down quickly or easily from these kinds of moods. I'm gonna stew in it for an unhealthy amount of time.

I just don't know how to snap out of it or what to do with myself so I've been lying in bed awake for the last 5 hours.

I haven't heard a single thing from Lane all day. The last text I got from him was yesterday at 6pm... And that was the last of very very few. This is the first time he has ever done this, and I can't stand not knowing what's going on. I feel like the only "good" excuse for this is very bad news, and I don't know if I should be worried.