I'm still so incredibly stressed and overwhelmed.

My chest has been hurting more than anything these last few days (even more than my fucked up hand), and I'm unsure if it's from the accident or from the stress or both.

I have to return the rental car on Wednesday. Insurance is counting my car as a total loss and only paying me $2,000 for it. I'm just upset about this because I really only have two options here and I lose with both of them. Option #1: I rush to buy a used car for $2 grand. All the cars that I can buy outright with this little money are old and have high mileage. I'm essentially taking on more problems and it will likely be a money pit. Option #2: I use the money as a down payment for a newer car causing me to take on a car note and another monthly payment to add on top of my already very heavy monthly finances. I absolutely cannot afford even one more monthly bill.

Both options add to my financial strain. Before the accident, I had a car that was fully paid for and ran perfectly fine. Now I am forced into more debt. There is a 3rd option: save the money and hold out for tax returns + the other settlement money for "pain & suffering" to buy a vehicle a little more decent.

But I can't get to work if I do that, and I've already missed enough days and lost too much in wages over all of this.

The more stressed I get the more I want to get a lawyer. I've got the contact info for a couple already. But that stresses me out more because if I sue, it could take a year or more to settle. And I just don't think I have the energy for all that.

This entire situation has worn me down. I'm losing my fight, and I'm sure that's exactly what they want.

Lane is in Arkansas visiting his dad. He went down there to help his dad with some medical appointments and testing and whatnot. But now he is stranded there because his truck won't start and he's been troubleshooting the issue for 2 days with no avail.

If he can't fix it by tomorrow, I'll have to go get him after work.

Then I have to go get another x-ray on my hand on Wednesday and return the rental car.

Then we will both be stranded.

I just really feel like I don't have control of anything right now and it's really taking a toll on me.

On the (dimly lit) bright side, Lane has still been a Godsend through all of this. I miss him like crazy and have been realizing how strongly I feel for him. For the first time in my life, I feel truly loved. I'll go more in detail about that another time. He had just been keeping me grounded.

I can't wait for all of this to blow over so I can get back to my life because right now it's feeling pretty ruined.