I don't like it.

My biggest fear.

- - -

I'm having a really hard time holding it together. I guess he's onto me.

Every night I go to bed without him. I feel like he encourages this because it frees him up to hang out with his roommates. I feel like the entire time we're together, he's just waiting for me to go to bed. I am not enjoying our time together because it makes me tense. He's so infatuated with these dudes and I am just in the way, though I do my damnedest to stay out of it.

I know he hasn't caught onto that part.

But tonight I finally announced that I was tired and going to bed. I'm not really that tired but it was time to get away. He came upstairs with me and tried to cuddle for a second. He said, "I hope you're happy here." I said, "I'm fine."

We all know what that means.

He didn't press it. He shortly left to rejoin his roommates downstairs.

I can't help but realize I did not follow my instinct on this one.