I think it's getting worse. Typically, I can wake up in the morning with a mostly blank slate. Mostly numb. But this morning the feeling from last night (and previous nights) didn't go away with sleep. I woke up sad, just as I went to be sad. It frustrates me because I don't understand it. I don't understand why I feel like this so intensely or why it won't go away.
I'm having trouble sleeping again. I wake up in the middle of the night and stare off into space because I can't slip back into sleep.
I don't think I'm hiding it well. I haven't said anything about how I'm feeling, yet Jonah seems to be trying to make a real effort to let me know he's still here for me. I've been going to bed without him the last couple of nights. He'll crawl into bed and hold me until he thinks I'm asleep, without saying anything except that he loves me. I'm never asleep, but I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to speak for fear of my voice cracking.
I feel like I'm unreasonable and this is all my fault.
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