I can't read Jonah right now. On the one hand, my own insecurities tell me he is going to resent me for this and that he isn't happy with me. I think maybe he feels like this isn't hard for me. Like I'm just fine with everything and it's all smooth sailing.
On the other hand, his actions toward me haven't changed. He still does too much for me, makes me laugh, shows me affection. He still talks about future plans together. Really nothing between us has changed. He told me before I made the decision that he will support it and that he will take care of me because he knows I'll need to be taken care of. He is referring to this situation as "we." Like "'We' need to make an appointment." The other day we were out getting dinner, and he handed me a cup or a lid or something, and I said, "You're so good to me." I meant it as a joke because what he was doing was so small and simple but I also meant it as a "thank you." His response was, "Yeah, I cause you to get a $1500 procedure... and I hand you your drink." So, he feels at fault for this as well. There has been no blame or accusations, not even subtle or backhanded. I don't know why I would expect any... I've been conditioned by irrational people, I guess.
That said, I'm torn. I want to tell him that he doesn't have to take me to the doctor or be involved in this process at all. But on the other hand, I know he feels obligated, and, honestly, I'd rather it be him than anyone else. I haven't told anyone else about this except Caleb, and he lives too far away to help. And, I mean, I could drive myself to the appointment, but I can't drive myself back...
I just keep telling myself we're in this together and hope that he stays on board.
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