Down and Out

I love you so much, but do me a favor, baby: don't reply. Because I can dish it out... but I can't take it.

At least when I'm depressed, I can blame my "tiredness" on lack of iron when someone else asks what's wrong.

I still haven't shaken the feeling. I'm not sure if I'll go to his house tonight. We talked about the problem today. Briefly... right before he went to work.

Max
hey honey

Hayley
hey

Max
is everything okay?

Hayley
i just re-activated my facebook because johnny wanted me to send a message to rita

Max
okay

Hayley
everything is fine

Max
i should have been there for you on thanksgiving night

Hayley
no, you had plans
i should have just gone home

Max
it was unexpected
i wont let it happen again

Hayley
Well, it's always unexpected.

Max
you are right
i dont have any excuse

Hayley
I want you to spend time with your friends.
I just don't think I should be there since I'm not interested in getting high with everyone.

Max
i totally understand
i dont want to do anything that is going to hurt our relationship Hayley
i know i use pot excessively
i just use it as a crutch and i wont let it be a problem for us
i like you way too much to let weed get in the way of how much i enjoy you
just know that okay

Hayley
I don't have a problem with you smoking weed. I just don't like going to your house and spending 90% of my time alone.
And it's like that every time.

Max
i am sorry i didnt think of it like that
i cant say anything other than you are right

Hayley
i know you didn't

Max
i just think about myself too much
i understand what you mean and i wouldnt want to come over if it was like that at your house
i have to run to work tonight
well, i have to go to work now lol

Hayley
yeah, don't be late

Max
bye Hayley

Hayley
have a good night at work

I'm not sure if he'll ask if I want to come over when he gets off work like he usually does or if he's going to take this as me not wanting to come over anymore. He's going to have to be pretty convincing to get me to come over... But he'll probably assume I don't want to and go home and get high all night. I know he'd much rather do that anyway. I'm starting to think I'm not the one for him. He just needs a stoner girlfriend. Someone who won't hassle him to get things done. I feel like I'm more of his mom always nagging him about things than his best friend.

I'm just really down and out right now.