Mama, You've Been on My Mind

So I had, once again, been thinking of David a lot. I don't know why that happens.  I guess a lot of things remind me of him.  I still use some of his mannerisms I had adopted from when we were together.  I still quote inside jokes in my head.  I constantly see cute or funny memes that I know he would like.  

So I'd like to reiterate just how much I regret dating him.  

It was the worst thing we could have done in my opinion. We had a good thing going before we went and messed it all up with the complications of romantic love. I'll be honest,  I never felt the romance if there was any.  The love was there though.  For him, he thinks it's still there,  but I think he is unable to distinguish it from hate in this case.  Because to me,  it certainly feels hateful. It's fine because I deserve it. I deserve it for roping him back into my uncertainty that second time around.  I think I regret that, too.

So he popped up in one of my Facebook memories a few weeks ago. What a coincidence since he had been on my mind, right? I decided to creep and see how he's been.  His profile was not and never has been very telling. His last post was in June, and it was the song,  "Mama, You've Been on my Mind" by Jeff Buckley. I simply "liked" the post and moved on.  

I knew he would see it. I never assumed the song was directed at me or anything.  Just coincidence... again. He messaged me the next morning asking why I did that.  I gave him a simple answer. He got angry because it was not the answer he was hoping for? Because he went off on me and ended with, "grow the fuck up." So,  I did, and I blocked him.

He was right.  If I'm going to "grow up," I have to move on. He said I never took his advice. Well, I finally did.  I hope he takes his own advice and uses this as an opportunity to grow up himself and move on from me. It's the best thing for both of us. I trust he will take good care of Toga, and I wish him all the best.  Sincerely.