I had a lot happen in a single weekend.
I came home from work Friday after a 12-hour shift to discover my AC was out. That kinda ruined my mood. The next day, I got the cats out of the house and left them at Dad's. Tom and his brother came to look at my unit and diagnosed the problem and put a temporary fix on it until we can properly fix it on Monday.
The boy came over and spent the night (for the first time). I'm on my period but I've got Flex disks (they work splendidly) so we were able to have mess-free sex. I warned him first, so we were cautious, but it all turned out well. We got up at 6am the next day and he left by 8am.
I want to talk about this because I'm feeling a whole lot of not much about everything... He told me recently that I'm not a booty call and he doesn't want me to think that because he genuinely likes me more than that. (Oh, side note: the day he told me that I was at work and had gotten a headache and he told me to come over and lie down until it passes so I didn't have to drive home in pain. He lives 5 mins from work, so I did and we cuddled and watched TV for an hour or so, and then I left... it was actually really sweet). I like him, too. But I'm not sure if I feel butterflies. I feel too guarded. But on the other hand, I don't feel shy or nervous or anxious around him. I'm very comfortable. But I feel like I'm just there. I feel kinda neutral? I feel all these mediocre things, but I don't think he is mediocre. I think I'm just dead inside right now.
David is coming to visit next weekend. I've decided to let it happen to see how it feels. I'm trying to feel a little more than nervous about it. I don't know why I'm nervous. Like I haven't known the guy for 5+ years.
I'm questioning everything all the time. Do I want this? Do I even know? I don't know.
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