I'm especially miserable tonight.

Jonah is in Texas for the weekend. The WHOLE weekend. He's not coming back til Monday night. I know he's getting some quality time in with The Girl. He hasn't been texting me all day. Yet he can use his phone to listen to songs on Spotify with lyrics like this:

" I know it (I have a feeling)
Something tells me that tonight
That I’m going to make you mine
Just tell me when and where (you tell me)
I want to please you


Something tells me that tonight
That I’m going to make you mine
Just tell me when and where
I want to please you"

I know I'm reading too far into it, but I 100% don't trust him anymore. And I feel like absolute shit.

I realized I'm not ready to be alone.

Usually I have time to prepare for things like this. I was unprepared this time.

I feel like he has already moved on and is just being nice to me so he doesn't have to feel guilty. I wish he felt guilty. I don't think he feels any kind of remorse. He talks about both of us getting in new relationships, which means he has been thinking about it. He said some dumb bullshit about how I've set some standard for his next relationship. He said he worries about me because he's worried I'll "find comfort in the arms of some douchebag." Well, some douchebag would be better than someone who I invest ALL of my time and emotions into only to leave me when things are going well. Bring on all the douchebags.

I've been hanging out with Sam the last couple days after work. It's been nice to reconnect. Yesterday, Sam, Meyer, and I hung out at the park. Then we had Waffle House. Then we got our palms read, which was fun, but the lady didn't even try. It was a fun day though! Hanging out with people has been somewhat keeping my mind off things. I was close to going out tonight, but I haven't been sleeping much lately.

Besides, I need to be prepared.

I'm not going to sit here and suffer until Jonah leaves me. I'm moving out as soon as I can. This weekend was the perfect opportunity to do so, except that I had to work all weekend. I was going to just move out entirely and let Jonah come home to a vacant apartment. It would have made me feel better to do that to him to be honest. So I'm pretty upset that I have to actually be here when he comes home. I hate that he can have everything. I want him to be alone for making me be alone.