I'm flooded with an overwhelming... emotion. It just came on and I don't know what caused it and I don't like it. So many little things building up, I suppose. I've been going to to bed at 5am. Right now it's 10pm and I feel like doing absolutely nothing but going to sleep...
I could use a day to myself. I'm not getting one of those for awhile. I'm hoping this all passes over by tomorrow.
Death Cab is going to be at Bridgestone next month. I really want to go but tickets are $38, and I hate making plans for something so far away, but if I do decide to go, I would want to buy the tickets immediately because I have a feeling they're going to sell out.
I've been updating this so little, I feel weird if I update too often now. I used to have something to say every day.
Uh... here's another survey.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
You don't want to see my ghost
I think my brother's friend likes me. It doesn't bother me, but he's got to know that it will go nowhere for so many reasons. But I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for him because when everyone else was angry and upset and total buzzkills, he and I decided to be awesome instead and play darts and have a good night while everyone else wallowed in their negative attitudes. He made what would have been a dull night into a memorable and ultimately very fun night.
I'm about to watch [Rec] in my room by myself. I've been wanting to see it for awhile. For some reason, I prefer watching horror movies alone and not with other people. If it's good, I may watch [Rec]2 after. We'll see.
Nate comes home tomorrow. I thought he was coming home Thursday, but when he said he's "leaving Thursday," he meant he was leaving New York and going back to Pennsylvania. I probably won't see him tomorrow though depending what time he gets back.
I've had mild cold all day. It started the other day. It's just a really annoying sore throat. And it's not a typical sore throat either where your tonsils are swollen. It's like my entire throat that hurts. Yeah, that was pointless.
Here's a survey.
I'm about to watch [Rec] in my room by myself. I've been wanting to see it for awhile. For some reason, I prefer watching horror movies alone and not with other people. If it's good, I may watch [Rec]2 after. We'll see.
Nate comes home tomorrow. I thought he was coming home Thursday, but when he said he's "leaving Thursday," he meant he was leaving New York and going back to Pennsylvania. I probably won't see him tomorrow though depending what time he gets back.
I've had mild cold all day. It started the other day. It's just a really annoying sore throat. And it's not a typical sore throat either where your tonsils are swollen. It's like my entire throat that hurts. Yeah, that was pointless.
Here's a survey.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Five Hours
I'm so weak and emotionally drained right now.
We had the intervention. I'd like to say it went well, but I really don't know.
Ashley came first, and we sat her down and the whole family was there. My mom started out by first saying we know she lost her job and we know they pawned the engagement ring. I know right then that Ashley's heart dropped by the look on her face.
So, she was first, and I felt so bad for her. She was silent the whole time and just took it all in mostly. They weren't yelling or accusing or anything, but I know she probably felt like she was being attacked anyway.
Now, I didn't say a word the entire 5 hours (yes, this took 5 whole hours) this was happening except at the end when they left I hugged them bye and told them both that I love them.
So, then Ashley went out in her truck and cried for awhile while Johnny went and got Josh. Josh took it way worse than Ashley did and way worse than I expected him to.
At the very beginning of Josh's "talk," my mom mentioned that she has talked to his boss about this. His boss is one of my mom's ex-boyfriends and she has known him for years. But that really struck a nerve with Josh. He exploded. He was so enraged that he stormed out of the house and was screaming at my mom in the yard. We got him to come back inside before it got worse though. He thought it meant he was going to get fired, but my mom assured them that he still has a job. And then Josh was upset because now his boss is going to "look at me like I'm a fucking junkie." And I thought, well, if you're worried about people looking at you that way, it means you're ashamed of being that way. I didn't say that though. Like I said, I didn't say anything.
I could go into so much detail and say all the things that was said, but that was five hours worth of conversation, and this post would be super long. Josh absolutely refuses rehab, but my mom stands firm on her deal.
See, Johnny came up with a compromise: Josh calls the rehab place and reserves a bed (a bed won't open up til August). In the meantime, he gets off the pills himself, and if he can do that then he doesn't have to go to rehab (because obviously he won't need it anymore). I thought that was an agreeable compromise, but my mom said "absolutely not" and "hell no." Because she says she's heard it all before, and they've said they'll quit in the past but never did.
Oh, and Josh has wanted a truck so bad. You have absolutely no idea how bad he wants a truck. And my mom and grandma bought him a truck. It's a really nice truck too. But! It's at my grandma's house in Hermitage, and Josh can't have it until he pays $1000 down and goes to rehab. He has to pay my grandma back, in monthly payments, all the money she spent buying it (which she bought with $3000 cash).
So, my mom told him about the truck today. He wants it so bad, but he will not go to rehab. And he mentioned he'll just get a loan for the $1000, but my mom said no. All the loans they have out and all the money they owe is a big reason we had the intervention in the first place.
But anyway. It's been an emotionally and physically draining day. I had the worst headache when it was over. It was up there with migraine-degree headaches. So, I gave in and took a BC. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I quit taking BC for awhile because the last time I took it, it made me sick. It made my stomach hurt for a week. I'm almost positive I have an ulcer/stomach bleeding because of this stuff. But I took some tonight, and within 10 minutes I could feel the effects. It was great. My headache went away and even my throat, which has been sore all day, quit hurting. Haha, which was an added bonus because I didn't expect that to happen. But since those medicines thin your blood, my whole body feels extremely weak now, and I'm tired. I don't want to go to sleep though. I never want to sleep anymore.
We had the intervention. I'd like to say it went well, but I really don't know.
Ashley came first, and we sat her down and the whole family was there. My mom started out by first saying we know she lost her job and we know they pawned the engagement ring. I know right then that Ashley's heart dropped by the look on her face.
So, she was first, and I felt so bad for her. She was silent the whole time and just took it all in mostly. They weren't yelling or accusing or anything, but I know she probably felt like she was being attacked anyway.
Now, I didn't say a word the entire 5 hours (yes, this took 5 whole hours) this was happening except at the end when they left I hugged them bye and told them both that I love them.
So, then Ashley went out in her truck and cried for awhile while Johnny went and got Josh. Josh took it way worse than Ashley did and way worse than I expected him to.
At the very beginning of Josh's "talk," my mom mentioned that she has talked to his boss about this. His boss is one of my mom's ex-boyfriends and she has known him for years. But that really struck a nerve with Josh. He exploded. He was so enraged that he stormed out of the house and was screaming at my mom in the yard. We got him to come back inside before it got worse though. He thought it meant he was going to get fired, but my mom assured them that he still has a job. And then Josh was upset because now his boss is going to "look at me like I'm a fucking junkie." And I thought, well, if you're worried about people looking at you that way, it means you're ashamed of being that way. I didn't say that though. Like I said, I didn't say anything.
I could go into so much detail and say all the things that was said, but that was five hours worth of conversation, and this post would be super long. Josh absolutely refuses rehab, but my mom stands firm on her deal.
See, Johnny came up with a compromise: Josh calls the rehab place and reserves a bed (a bed won't open up til August). In the meantime, he gets off the pills himself, and if he can do that then he doesn't have to go to rehab (because obviously he won't need it anymore). I thought that was an agreeable compromise, but my mom said "absolutely not" and "hell no." Because she says she's heard it all before, and they've said they'll quit in the past but never did.
Oh, and Josh has wanted a truck so bad. You have absolutely no idea how bad he wants a truck. And my mom and grandma bought him a truck. It's a really nice truck too. But! It's at my grandma's house in Hermitage, and Josh can't have it until he pays $1000 down and goes to rehab. He has to pay my grandma back, in monthly payments, all the money she spent buying it (which she bought with $3000 cash).
So, my mom told him about the truck today. He wants it so bad, but he will not go to rehab. And he mentioned he'll just get a loan for the $1000, but my mom said no. All the loans they have out and all the money they owe is a big reason we had the intervention in the first place.
But anyway. It's been an emotionally and physically draining day. I had the worst headache when it was over. It was up there with migraine-degree headaches. So, I gave in and took a BC. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I quit taking BC for awhile because the last time I took it, it made me sick. It made my stomach hurt for a week. I'm almost positive I have an ulcer/stomach bleeding because of this stuff. But I took some tonight, and within 10 minutes I could feel the effects. It was great. My headache went away and even my throat, which has been sore all day, quit hurting. Haha, which was an added bonus because I didn't expect that to happen. But since those medicines thin your blood, my whole body feels extremely weak now, and I'm tired. I don't want to go to sleep though. I never want to sleep anymore.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Fiends
On the 4th I saw the fireworks at Riverfront in Downtown Nashville. It was awesome! I've never been downtown for the Fourth of July, so it was quite a fun and exciting new experience.
Nate comes home tomorrow. He wasn't gone for two weeks as previously thought. Just one week.
But even more important tomorrow is that we're having an intervention for Josh. We found out they pawned the engagement ring that my grandma gave them. That ring is a family heirloom and it's worth at least $2500, but since it's in the family, it's priceless. The pawned it for $80. They don't know that we know all of this. We know a lot of stuff that they don't want us to know, and it's all coming out tomorrow.
I feel sorry for Ashley, though, because she's just going to be thrown out on the street like nobody cares about her. I care about her and love her and don't want that to happen to her, but no one else seems to care... Somehow they all feel like it's her fault that her and Josh got this bad. When really, they are both equally at fault. I think Ashley needs to attention that we're going to give Josh, but the intervention is going to be only for Josh. The ultimatum is that Josh has to check himself into rehab or he is being kicked out.
So, that's totally going to be fun tomorrow...
Hm... I legally have all four Oddworld games! I've been addicted to Munch's Oddysee. It has always been my favorite. :)
Nate comes home tomorrow. He wasn't gone for two weeks as previously thought. Just one week.
But even more important tomorrow is that we're having an intervention for Josh. We found out they pawned the engagement ring that my grandma gave them. That ring is a family heirloom and it's worth at least $2500, but since it's in the family, it's priceless. The pawned it for $80. They don't know that we know all of this. We know a lot of stuff that they don't want us to know, and it's all coming out tomorrow.
I feel sorry for Ashley, though, because she's just going to be thrown out on the street like nobody cares about her. I care about her and love her and don't want that to happen to her, but no one else seems to care... Somehow they all feel like it's her fault that her and Josh got this bad. When really, they are both equally at fault. I think Ashley needs to attention that we're going to give Josh, but the intervention is going to be only for Josh. The ultimatum is that Josh has to check himself into rehab or he is being kicked out.
So, that's totally going to be fun tomorrow...
Hm... I legally have all four Oddworld games! I've been addicted to Munch's Oddysee. It has always been my favorite. :)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Shuffle
I don't think I've ever said this before, but I really can't stand people talking bad about other people. Like when my family members just rag on other family members when they're not there. I can think of several examples, but I don't want to call anyone out even though they would never know it if I did on here.
So, I think tomorrow I'm going to sleep in as long as possible. You know, I haven't gotten to sleep in much this summer. The latest I've slept in til was 3pm! I used to stay up all night and sleep til 7pm, wake up in the middle of the night, and do it all again. I guess I've been being somewhat responsible since every other day I've got someone to see or somewhere to be.
I would also like to text Jamie and arrange some time to hang out. I haven't talked to her or seen her in a very long time.
I would also like to do a little bit of art. I haven't done that shit in ages.
I might also finish a book I've already started or start a book I've already finished. Or maybe just start a book. I'd like to read some books since it is also something I haven't done in awhile.
I doubt I'll actually do any of these things. The only thing I'll be doing tomorrow is probably going to the grocery store with my mom.
Um, Nate was over today. He's leaving tomorrow and will be gone for one week or two weeks. He doesn't know. He said two weeks at first and when I brought it up today he said probably one week but he doesn't know. So... I don't know. I should arrange some girl time with some girls because I've kinda been wanting to do that for some reason (I know; it baffles me too), so this week would be the perfect week to do that I think.
Oh, yeah. Monday is 4th of July. I may be going to Downtown Nashville to see the fireworks but I really don't know... Probably not. It was a good idea at the time, but actually executing the plan is a different story. I don't want to inconvenience other people.
Hmm... what else is on my mind? I'm tired. So, I guess I'm going to go to bed although I don't want to because there's just so much music to listen to!
So, I think tomorrow I'm going to sleep in as long as possible. You know, I haven't gotten to sleep in much this summer. The latest I've slept in til was 3pm! I used to stay up all night and sleep til 7pm, wake up in the middle of the night, and do it all again. I guess I've been being somewhat responsible since every other day I've got someone to see or somewhere to be.
I would also like to text Jamie and arrange some time to hang out. I haven't talked to her or seen her in a very long time.
I would also like to do a little bit of art. I haven't done that shit in ages.
I might also finish a book I've already started or start a book I've already finished. Or maybe just start a book. I'd like to read some books since it is also something I haven't done in awhile.
I doubt I'll actually do any of these things. The only thing I'll be doing tomorrow is probably going to the grocery store with my mom.
Um, Nate was over today. He's leaving tomorrow and will be gone for one week or two weeks. He doesn't know. He said two weeks at first and when I brought it up today he said probably one week but he doesn't know. So... I don't know. I should arrange some girl time with some girls because I've kinda been wanting to do that for some reason (I know; it baffles me too), so this week would be the perfect week to do that I think.
Oh, yeah. Monday is 4th of July. I may be going to Downtown Nashville to see the fireworks but I really don't know... Probably not. It was a good idea at the time, but actually executing the plan is a different story. I don't want to inconvenience other people.
Hmm... what else is on my mind? I'm tired. So, I guess I'm going to go to bed although I don't want to because there's just so much music to listen to!
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