Not the relicious type, but...

It's not that I'm just now realizing things. It's just that I'm finally coming to terms with what I've realized.

And, lately, I'm at a loss for words.

My eyes are wide open.

Sometimes, I feel like my eyes are wide open. I feel like I have a better understanding of things than other people do. And I just don't get it. I don't feel special or that I'm better than anyone. I just don't get why everyone isn't this way. They should be. I'm very average. I believe I'm of average intelligence and at a normal level of understanding, so why isn't everyone else at my level? They should be.

And for that reason, I know that is why I respond to things the way that I do - with total lack of surprise. Nothing is surprising. As Jones would say, "There is nothing new under the sun." It takes a lot to get a reaction out of me because not a lot deserves a reaction.

Why am I even saying this?

I can't remember all the things I was going to say yesterday. Yesterday I was in a weird state of mind. Today I'm just tired and not feeling well. I never feel well anymore. It's been like this for at least three weeks now. I got sick, and I guess I haven't fully gotten over it yet.

There are a few things going on in my life right now. For some reason, I just don't want to talk about them. There's a lot on my mind, and I don't want to talk about any of that either.

Well, I'm going to go down some cough syrup. Partly to stop my coughing, but mostly to help me sleep.

Maybe one day I'll have something interesting to say.

Well, I feel you more than you'll ever know
And I feel more than what I'll ever show
I feel you more than you'll ever know
And I feel more than I'll ever show

There's so much I want to tell you 'bout the way I'm disappearing.

I've decided that maybe it's time to grow up.

And maybe I'll go to Memphis.

I don't know how to say the things I want to say right now.

I just need a pick me up,

and I'll be back.

We're Gonna Stay Eighteen Forever

I'm really tired and don't feel like making a post here, but I feel like I should. So, I'm going to make it quick I guess.

First of all, I need to papier mache. I need to be finished papier macheing completely by Friday. Tomorrow is Thursday. Tomorrow I will start papier macheing. Ahhh hardcore procrastination is extremely difficult to overcome. Quitting smoking is easier...

Anyway. Today I'm legal.

Lots of people told me happy birthday.

You know, it doesn't feel weird being 18. It felt weird turning 17, but not 18. I don't know why. I guess I didn't anticipate 17 at all. But I've been anticipated 18 for a long time.

Today is also Deuce's birthday! Ugh, that makes me feel so cool. So cool by association. Haha. Dr.Suess too of course. Dr.Suess. Dr.Deuss. Dr.Duece. Deuce.

Uhh... God, I'm so tired I can't remember what all I was going to say here. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

So, come on

Come on, come on...
And I've been thinning my blood just to get some sleep...

I just freaked out and said, "oh, my GOD" so many times. Haha. Seriously though. I was just sitting here and I happened to notice a bruise on the back of my leg, like right behind my knee. I knew I bruised easily, but god damn, how did I not notice this before? I've never seen a bruise this dark before. It's almost black and it's really big. I know I didn't hit my leg on anything. Yeah, it's just a bruise... but I have anemia and I've been taking blood thinners excessively every single day for the last couple weeks... and that is exactly where my bruises come from. Out of no where. Because my blood is fucked up and I'm fucking it up worse.

Ha, anyway. I'm delirious. I'll have to tell the story tomorrow. (or later today since it's 1am). Going to bed now. Another day longer than the last awaits.