Dad is in hospice. We have him set up in a hospital bed at home, and I am his primary caretaker. He requires 24/7 supervision. I know he is miserable, but I hope this is the least painful option.  

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I can't imagine anything will ever come close.

I know people are trying to help,  but I hate being asked how I'm doing. I have to hold back tears every time. 

And everyone always asks if there is anything they can do to help. I need help with a lot of things but it's nothing anyone else can provide. I love my dad, and he isn't being needy at all. But he is so weak that he is bedridden. He can't do anything on his own except talk and drink liquids. I wish there was at least a nurse or someone here more often to help. I just don't feel qualified for some of this. It's physically and mentally taxing.

A friend asked last night, "how are you holding up?"

And I said, "Honestly, I'm only holding up at all because I have to."

And that's the way it's going to be for awhile.

I don't think he is going to make it to the end of the year. I don't think he wants to.