idle hands

I seriously just miss someone talking to me consistently. It's the bare fucking minimum and what kept me hanging on. I rarely say I miss people because I rarely think of someone and wish they were here.  But,  like... I do miss him.  I just do. I know it's not right,  and I'm not going to do anything about it.  I just didn't expect to be so sad about it.  I intentionally tried to keep him at arm's length because I knew this had to happen eventually. 

I hate that I now pine for something else.  Something more than what I have now. I am a little unsatisfied and doubtful, and I don't know how to quell these feelings. There seems to be a void. The way I was filling it was unhealthy, but it kept me occupied. Now I've got this idle mind and these idle hands.