Leave Me Behind... Again.

A few days ago Lane and I were lying in bed talking before he left for the weekend. I can't remember how it came up, but we started talking about long distance relationships. I told him I would never do long distance. Not at all. And he tried to disagree saying we did it when he lived in Murfreesboro. I told him that was because Murfreesboro is only an hour away, and, besides, I hadn't grown accustomed to living with him like I am now. Then he piped in with some hypotheticals like what if he lived 2 hours away. I said no, that I wouldn't do it. Then he asked what I expected him to follow with: he asked if he lived in Alabama (where his mom lives, where he goes and spends every other fucking weekend) then I wouldn't want to stay with him. I told him no. That's too far. I'm not interested in anything long distance. Ever.

That pretty much ended the conversation. He sorta stared off contemplatively after that.

Then the other day the topic sorta came up again. He asked if I would move with him if he found another job out-of-state. He said he isn't planning on staying at the factory he's at forever. I explained to him how I own this house and I'm not willing to leave it just yet. I've only lived in for a year. But he wouldn't drop the subject, so I told him if that were to ever come up, I'd consider it.

So, last night, we were at his family's Christmas Eve gathering. I was sitting in a chair between him and his little sister. I was looking down at my phone not involved in any conversation when his sister asked him, across me, "Have you heard anything from the job?" He did not reply out loud, but I felt him mouth back to her and gesture at me. Meaning he was telling her to not spill the beans about something I don't know about. And that confirmed my suspicions that he is planning on moving to Alabama to be closer to his mommy.

Let's be clear: this isn't about a job. This isn't about a career. This isn't about opening up opportunities. I KNOW it was his mom's idea to apply to jobs down there so he can be closer to them.

It's hurtful because it's inconsiderate to me. It's hurtful because I always knew he'd leave me for his fucking mother. It hurts because this isn't the first time I've been in love and living with someone where there was another woman involved who was a constant issue in the relationship (in this case it's one-sided because I keep my mouth shut about his uncomfortably creepy relationship with his mom out of respect for him and respect for not fucking up the relationship) and then planning to move behind my back to be with her. It's not the same situation, but the parallels are incredible.

So I've been stewing on that since yesterday. I worked today. While there, I fell and sprained my elbow. Can't go to Urgent Care because it's a stupid fucking holiday and they're all closed.

So I'll sleep in pain tonight and I'll drink in pain tonight. Happy Holidays!