2gud2b

Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way.


I overthink until it's irrelevant. I thought these things mattered, but I haven't reached that point yet. It doesn't matter. Am I even enjoying myself? I thought I was. I had a little spark, but it didn't last long. Am I eating my time?

Am I wasting my time.

There's not much of this year left.

- - - -

I fell asleep last night while writing that.

This is who I am now. I wake up at 6am everyday, even on days off. I fall asleep on accident most nights out of sheer exhaustion. I don't know who I am anymore, but I don't hate it. I kinda like this new found morning person I've become.

I'm scared to say anything, but things may finally be looking up. I felt today that I may finally be becoming happy again. There are good things going on in my life. I'm back on good terms with my parents. I visit them on most of my days off now. I finally got that raise at work I've so desperately needed (and honestly extremely deserved). I've been seeing a cute boy who is actually very nice unlike the other ones I've dealt with lately. He's too cute though. Definitely too good to be true. I think the catch is that he's allergic to dogs. And the catch is also that I'm too hurt to believe he has any genuinely good intentions, which is why I'm still struggling to feel excited about him. I've never held back so much in my life for fear of any effort being wasted.


I am no longer capable of reading people. I am still very much afraid.

I've told him next to nothing about what has happened to me this year. I've told him very little about my past in general. I see no point. The less I talk about it, the less I think about it... the blurrier it gets. Still waiting to Eternal Sunshine so much of it.

What's important is that my family and finances are getting better.