That's what's going on

Jonah is still in love with his ex. I don't know how someone could still love a former junkie who ran around on them, but he does. He hasn't told me that; I just know. He finally told me he had been talking to her, which I already knew. When he brought it up, he said, "She actually texted me last night" trying to imply that she contacted him first that night. I called him out and said, "She was the one you were talking to in the car last week when I was driving and asking you for directions, but you weren't listening to me." He was too absorbed in his conversation with her. That night in the car he said he was talking to an "old friend who he hadn't spoken to in awhile." But when I glanced over, I saw her name at the top of the screen. I'm not dumb. I know her name.

So, I hate that they talk. I'm not going to bitch at him about it because I talk to Max sometimes. The difference is, I don't love Max. He'd die if he read this, but I've told him to his face multiple times that I don't love him. Those feelings will never come back. I don't have a lot of good things to say about Max. I really only talk to him about music these days because the one things we did have in common was a passion for music, and he knows and shares an interest in a lot of the music I listen to.

I've said it before: I don't speak with P or N or even Jack or Eric. And if I do, it's almost always THEM checking up on ME, and it's always small talk.

I know Jonah still loves his ex. He's been talking about her lately... says she's a "good person." He told me he would never hang out with her without me there but that I'd probably meet her sometime.

Why?

I don't want to meet her. If I have to meet her, I'm going to make him meet one of my exes. Except that I don't want to be around my own exes either.

That's what has put me in the mood I've been in lately. Jonah and I have gotten into a few unrelated arguments, but I'm sure they have stemmed from my bad mood and inability to talk about it...

What bothers me the most is that he is hiding things from me. And now that I know he is hiding things from me, I have to dig deeper. I'm not ashamed of snooping because if you have to hide things from me, you are being dishonest. I don't deserve that, okay? I know I don't. And I'm going to do everything in my power to stay in the know to keep this from hurting more when it all comes out in the open. I know I'm wrong for delving, but I'm only protecting myself.

But not to worry: I'm a firm believer in working things out, despite things never having worked out in the past.