You had friends in Tennessee and you had a friend in me.

I never thought I'd be ringing in the new year with someone who wouldn't make it to the next.

I've talked about Cage here before. He took his own life the other night.

I'm still very numb to this whole thing, and I'm not sure if I ever won't be.

When he moved to Tennessee he was my roommate for a few months. One time I baked cookies for the roommates. I texted it to everyone but not him because I didn't have his number yet. He was the first one to come home, and when he saw the massive amount of cookies on the counter, he looked at me and said, "Do you take hugs as payment?" And he hugged me.

One time my ex and I had planned a trip to Nashville because my ex had to pick up an amp from a guy he knew. He invited Cage along so I wouldn't be alone in Nashville, and that was a great idea because Cage and I ended up walking around Nashville for a good 3 or more hours while my ex basically abandoned us. We went into the Nashville convention center, which was a ghost town on the inside. We went in the back in the kitchens, but I didn't want to get in trouble (lol), so we left. He stole a fancy cloth napkin and wore it around his head like a bandana, and that was the beginning of his bandana fashion statement. He always wore bandanas after that day.

Another time I won tickets to see Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood Two Man Group live improv show. Cage went with me and we had a great time. It was so much fun, and I'm glad he was the one who got to go with me.

After he didn't live with me anymore, I would babysit his dog on weekends when he'd travel to conferences.

When he attended my college for a semester, I hung out with him and helped him get his "Free Speech Wall" started for his Students for Liberty group, of which he was the Vice President. He had a ton of fun doing that. He loved letting people say whatever they want (even the bad things - especially the bad things) on that wall.

I spent my new year watching movies with him and Jack and drinking a little. We always had a good time together. I can't think of a single time when we didn't.

There was that awkward time we kissed, but we never talked about it, it never happened again, and it never made things weird between us.

There are lots of stories, and I've talked about many of them here on this blog.

He had attempted to hang and cut himself when he was still living in Tennessee. Two weeks before moving to Texas. The hospital only held him for one day and released him the next. Probably because he didn't have any kind of insurance. I don't feel like anyone took him seriously. I feel like most of his friends made him feel bad and dumb about himself. Even when he died, their response was, "That stupid idiot." They didn't mean it. That's just how they cope. They, like myself, are genuinely shocked and saddened and really fucking hurt by this.

He liked my art skills and requested a copy of a poster I made for class once. He also always came to me for logos for his many business ideas. He believed in my abilities, and from the little eulogies I've read on his Facebook page, he believed in and supported so many people. I wish he had seen that so many believed in and supported him. I wish he knew how loved he is, but it's too late. I wish he had reached out one last time...

Stay. Please don't go. I'll eat you up! I love you so!