I'll try my best. How much do I invest?
So, yesterday and today there was no school because we are currently experiencing an ice storm. I spent the night at Jack's apartment last night. Matt is staying with him for the time being because they are about to get a place together. I had fun hanging out with them. I had Limoncello and they drank beer and we watched stuff on Netflix. That present Jack got me was a bandana, which is is nice. It's a small thing, and he was basically repaying me for one that he "took" from me. Really, I let him use it and never asked for it back.
I made him a personalized card for his birthday and also as a way of paying him back in a sense. So, anyone who saw that Frankenstein thing I made, it was for Jack. I'm really proud of the card. It looks really good in my opinion. I'm putting my graphic design skills to use!
Speaking of graphic design... I really need to start applying for internships right NOW. I won't be able to graduate in August if I don't get an internship over the summer, and summer internship deadlines are very fast approaching...
I've been texting P regularly, and last night I told him I was staying the night at a friend's apartment. I didn't tell him anymore details than that because that's not anyone's business. So, he texted me sometime during the night and asked "What are you doing?" And when I didn't respond, he followed up with, "Geez, hangin with boys! Not tellin me! I'm gonna have an aneurysm lol." I lied to him and told him I was with girls. I woke up this morning to his replies as follows:
"Lol I figured I just like to show I care
I can't play the paranoid bf?
I basically am without the title lol"
I replied, "Lol you were paranoid when we were dating! And that's because you were dating someone else at the same time."
That must have upset him because he hasn't responded all day. Look, don't dish it out if you can't take it. I'm gonna fucking go there.
I have this terrible habit of forgiving people for past actions and then never letting them live it down, so I guess they are never really forgiven. I will take certain grudges to my grave, and I don't care how unhealthy that is for me. I'm honestly not bitter about what P did anymore. It's so far in the past now that it no longer affects me. I probably would have truly forgiven him and never brought it back up again if he had apologized for what he had done, but I never got an apology. And I know forgiveness doesn't always have to wait for an apology, but whatever. Sometimes you just have to own up to what you have done. I'm sure I'm going to have to do it sooner than later with everything I've been doing lately.
I mean, I try to see everything from both sides. I try not to be a hypocrite. That's why I'm not longer angry at Jack. I mean, yes, if he brings Marcia over to my house again or any other girl for that matter, I will be upset. But I was, in a sense, doing the same thing. I didn't take it as far as he did, but I do occasionally flirt with old flames or current crushes. It's harmless in my opinion. It wouldn't be harmless if I weren't single, but I'm not actually actively trying to sleep with all these people.
And I don't know why P feels like he's basically my unofficial boyfriend. I can think of three people off the top of my head who probably think that, and he has less reason to believe it than the others. I mean, I'm only physical with one person, and I'm pretty sure we're both very clear that there is no commitment involved.
So I'm anxiously waiting on the edge of my seat to see if they'll cancel school tomorrow. I really hope they do because I'd like to use the free time to get things done as far as my portfolio goes. And I don't want to be in class til 6pm tomorrow... Until then I'm going to work on this homework I have that can be turned in online.
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Jack said he was coming back later tonight. He said multiple times, "I'll see you tonight." But he never showed up (this is becoming a pattern). I honestly wasn't sitting here expecting him or anything. I wasn't waiting around. I sent him a funny picture on FB, and he responded with "I'll come over tomorrow." He didn't even say anything about the hilarious picture! And I never said anything about him not coming over (I never do). So, I said, "Mmkay. I don't have school!" And he proceeded to explain that his car broke down. I don't believe it. And since I believe it is a lie, I kept asking questions about it to make him talk about it more. He said it broke down as soon as he parked it at his apartment. I responded, "How convenient."
I'm sure he was just with Marcia instead. Or anyone else. And if that is the case, then I don't see why he feels the need to lie to me. If you're not asked about it, don't bring it up! That's it! You got away with it! Pat yourself on the back and sleep easy at night because you're a real sly fox and have won.
Oh, yeah I don't have school again tomorrow. This has been a pretty great week.
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