Ecstasy and Exhaustion

I'm watching new Whose Line as I type this. It makes me so happy. (It also makes it hard to type this).

So, Max and I went to the Brighten concert the other night. I told him beforehand that he wasn't going to like any of the music. And he didn't haha. But he did appreciate Justin's guitar playing.

Oh, and speaking of Justin: I fucking met him! I still get ecstatic thinking about it. It was so great. I got to talk to him and get a picture with him because we ran into him behind the venue as we were walking to the line. No one else was over there bothering him and company, and at first I didn't want to bother him, but Max initiated the conversation, and I am so glad he did. I'm so glad I went to the show with HIM. If it weren't for him initiating all the conversations with the band members, I would have been way too shy to do it myself, and I wouldn't have had nearly as good of a time as I did.

July 11: Okay, so there's a ton that I could write about this, but I'm gonna try to make it quick. All the performances were great, and I loved them all. Justin was lovely with Brighten even if the rest of the band wasn't there and had to be filled in with other musicians. I met Joel and Sean of this Century after the show, and they were so personable and sociable and genuine. I loved it. Sean said This Century will be back in the Fall and he said if the show sells out before we get tickets than he'll get us some. I'm going to try to buy tickets of course, but I thought that was really cool of him. I definitely want to see them and meet them again. We met Nick of A Rocket to the Moon cuz he was Max's favorite. I asked him why this was Rocket's last tour, and he said they're "just calling it quits." But he did confirm for me that they would all continue to make music individually.

So, I had a bit of a headache the entire time, but when we got in the car to leave, I was feeling pretty sick. I proceeded to get the single worst migraine I've ever had in all my 20 years of living. We had to stop at a gas station and sit in the parking lot for about 20 minutes while I sat there thinking I was going to throw up. He couldn't find any anti-nausea medicine in the store. He told me the next day he would have sat in that parking lot all night if we had to. When I knew I wasn't going to throw up, I wrapped my jacket around my head and rode the entire way home doubled over in the seat. It was rough. And as soon as we got to his house, I opened the car door and threw up all in the driveway. Since I didn't eat much all day, I only threw up a bunch of water, so it wasn't so bad. I felt tremendously better after throwing up too. And that's not saying much considering I thought I was going to die. The nausea was gone, but the head pain was so piercing, I went inside, took off my clothes and curled in the fetal position on his bed. I was scared that when I fell asleep I would never wake up. I don't know why I thought that. The pain was just so intense. Also, I have never thrown up with a migraine before. I ALWAYS feel nauseated, but it has never escalated to such a devastating level... I passed out and woke up about 2 hours later feeling perfectly fine... just dehydrated, weak, and dizzy. I got out of bed and found him in the living room on his laptop, told him I was feeling better, and he came back to bed with me. He was really sweet and took good care of me... as much as he could anyway. There's really nothing that can be done once the migraine is in full effect. He made it dark and quiet and made me comfortable though. And I really appreciate that.

I knew that if I died, at least I would die happy. Because I had such a great time at the concert and got to MEET JUSTIN RICHARDS AND SEE BRIGHTEN LIVE. Cross that item off the 'ol bucket list.

July 12: My mom and I went to Logan's house. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at all, but I am moving in there. I'll be living with Logan, Lee, and Matt. My mom wanted to see the house before completely agreeing to it. She's on board after seeing it! I get my own bedroom and a bathroom all to myself. It's "ideal" according to her. Which is great because I was determined not to live on campus again. I hate living on campus. The only good thing about living on campus was the proximity. I'll be walking about three blocks to campus now, but it'll be early in the morning, so I hope it'll be safe.

July 13: It was super late at night and Max was over at Jon's house (where he always is if not at work or with me). Everyone over there started fighting, so he rode his bike - drunk - to my house. He was really drunk... haha. And we passed out on the couch (I wasn't sure how my mom would feel about waking up with him there on the couch, but she never said anything about it. She seems to have accepted that I stay the night at his house all the time anyway). He came over at, like, 4am, and I woke him at 8am to go to work. I knew he was going to regret having ridden his bike there by morning. Because he had to ride his bike back to his house to get ready for work in the morning.

July 14: I have to tell this story now. So, the day after he came over drunk, Max and I had already made plans, days in advance, to hang out when he got off work. That means we had discussed it both in person and over text. So it only makes sense that I was expecting it, right? When he got off of work at 3pm, he told me he had to run a friend to Nashville. I was fine with that. No big deal. That would only take a couple hours... except that I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day. I waited... and I waited... and I waited. I even turned down plans to hang out with other people because I "already had plans" that day. And I waited... by 10pm, I grew impatient, and I texted him a simple, "Hey." He responded almost immediately saying his phone had died. Then I became furious. What's wrong with that response is that: if his phone really did die, he could have contacted me via Facebook or simply plugged his phone in and contacted me while it was on the charger. He has a car charger. He could have charged it wherever he was. I can guarantee his phone probably never died that night. He said he got stuck at Jon's watching Django. So, basically what he did was he went to Nashville, came back, essentially wrote me off and went to Jon's house, didn't even try once to contact me in any way the entire time, and just stayed at Jon's house. So... our PLANS to hang out for the day had basically been canceled without my knowledge. I was so, SO upset with him. And that's what my last vague, angsty post was about. He asked me over text message if I wanted to hang out, with which I responded, "I thought that was the plan...". He said he had "procrastinated." You can not pull that bullshit on me. I was so mad, and I am going to repeat that several times because I cannot express just how pissed off I was. I texted him and told him I had literally waited around all day and if he wanted to just stay at Jon's house, then he could do just that. He told me he was coming to pick me up. So, when he picked me up, I was still fuming - silently. I didn't talk much in the car and refused to hold his hand. Since I'm so fucking passive and can't just express my anger upfront, I mentioned that, "I didn't think we were going to hang out." And he got the message that I was upset with him. I just wish I could have been more direct. And when we got to his house, he passed out after about an hour, so I was just bored and angry and wish I hadn't have come at all.

I have finally learned a lesson that if someone does something once, they will do it again. So next time he does this to me (because there will be next time), I am prepared to release my wrath because I don't think what little anger I outwardly expressed that night was enough to make a lasting impression. Let's hope next time it is.

And, you know, I'm not sure if I was irrationally angry, but I am so tired of the disappointment. I'm tired of the ruined expectations and crushed hopes. His biggest flaw is his unreliability/non-promptness. I'm going to instill that in him eventually. I don't try to change people. Ever. But I will make him self-aware of this character flaw because it can only help him to change it.

Sigh. So anyway... I stayed the night every night after that until tonight... so, like, the last 4 nights in a row. I still get mad thinking about that night, but I'm not going to just be mad about it forever. We had a good time the last few nights. He moved to a new place, and we stayed the night in the new place last night, and that was fun.

July 15: I hung out with Mecha and finally gave him the souvenirs I got him from Italy. We went thrifting, but didn't hang out long. When I got home, I was locked out because no one was home and I forgot my key. Max was hanging out with his friend Nic, but came and got me anyway. I didn't ask him to. I just told him I was going to sit on the porch until someone came home. But we all went to Office Depot so he could buy a new laptop. While there, I ran into Logan and his girlfriend (the one who formerly hated me and probably still does for all I know). I chatted with him for awhile and she was nice and all, but that's just how girls are: nice to your face. We went back to Max's place and Nic joked that he *coincidentally* had a "girlfriend" named "Hayley Dwarf" who was also a graphic designer and her twitter name is "HispanicDIY" (because my twitter name is spanishindie). I thought his jokes were hilarious. At one point he said his "girlfriend" speaks Spanish, so I asked, "Did she teach herself?" And he kept talking, but then he stopped to laugh because he was late to get the joke. It was a good time though. Also, Nic helped Max move the next day and Max bought me a bike off of Nic so I can use it when I go back to school instead of having to walk the whole 3 blocks. He bought it without consulting me or anything, and I thought that was really nice of him.

So, again, as usual, I know this whole post is mostly about Max, but we've spent so much time together lately, and he's all I have going on right now. It actually feels a bit weird to be apart from him and especially to sleep alone and at my own house. I'm gonna miss the hell out of him when I'm at school. We'll still get to see each other, just not nearly as often.