I'm Smarter Than You Think

Distancing. Am I doing this right?

I don't often find myself thinking this, but I wonder why I make such terrible decisions for myself. I should be making decisions that better myself, but I feel some of them hold me back. These are the types of decisions that I reflect on and feel stupid. My least favorite feeling is feeling stupid... I could have been smarter.

I don't feel like going into detail about what this is about exactly, but I will revisit this in the future - with specifics.

I'm just... surprised I feel this way I guess. I didn't see it coming. I never imagined this would happen. So I wasn't prepared, and now I don't know what to do about it. I never know what to do though.

I want to fix this. For myself. But I'm not that selfish. I'm too nice, and I can't imagine how devastating this will be... I wish I'd done it several months ago when I had it all set in stone.

So, I'm going to quit being vague, though I'm sure it has become obvious what I'm talking about by now. And I'm going to talk about something else.

I halfway jokingly said on Twitter, the day my phone fucked up, that Virgin Mobile owed be $100 (they still owe me $100 and I'll be damned if I don't get it). I didn't expect them to actually respond, but they did... They tried to help, but all they told me was what I already knew: that I had to send my defective phone back. I just know that when I do this, they are going to send me a refurbished one. I don't want refurbished... I don't want "guaranteed-to-break" again.

At least they actually interacted with me.

I half-assed a project for the first time this semester and my professor actually liked it. Weird.

Here's a survey. Sorry it's not interesting.


To start, what's your name?   
Hayley...

Age?   
19.

What's your favorite color?   
Red.

What are you listening to?   
"Honest" - Band of Skulls

Are you single?   
No.

Why or why not?   
Because I have a boyfriend.

Do you smoke weed?   
I do not. It's funny how many people know this and want me to smoke with them.

What about cigarettes?   
Never.

Are you "down with the scene"?   
I guess not because I don't really know what that means, nor do I know anyone who says that.

Favorite genre of music?   
Indie/Folk/Acoustic-y stuff.

Favorite band?   
Instead of saying Blind Melon and Brighten, I'll list my latest musical obsession, and that is Balance and Composure.

Last lyrics you heard?   
"All my life I've been wastin', wastin'. Wastin' all my money, all my time."

What's your aim screen name?   
Never had aim.

Do you wear glasses or contacts?   
Both.

Any new movies you want to see?   
I'm sure there are but none come to mind at the moment.

Are you wearing anything on your wrists?   
No.

Are you a virgin?   
No.

When's the last time you had sex?   
Couple months ago.

Do you usually orgasm first?   
Have you ever faked it?  
Do you like grindcore?   
That's a subgenre that I'm not familiar with. Fucking subgenres, man.

Would you ever stretch your ears?   
Never. Shit's gross.

Who's the last person you texted?   
Hell if I know.

Do you know anyone in Colorado?   
I know several people from Colorado, but not in it right now.

Ever been in a fight?   
When I was little. If that counts.

Did you win?   
I don't remember. Maybe a few.

Do you straighten your hair?   
Sometimes.

Do you dye it?   
Not often.

Now what are you listening to?   
Fucking silence cuz the god damned internet keeps going out.

Last person you held hands with?   
I guess technically it was Pamp actually. Cuz he held my hands when they were cold to warm them up...

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?   
I guess it was the thing to do.

Did you kiss them, or did they kiss you?   
I don't actually remember specifically my last kiss, but I know he initiated it...

What time is it?   
Almost 11.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?   
Two.

What did you do on Friday night? Can you remember?   
Fuck. I slept. Occasions when I get to actually sleep are rare, so I take them when I can.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?   
I don't remember. It's jut a plain long-sleeved white shirt.

Ever prank called anyone?   
When I was little.

When people prank call you, do you play along or hang up?   
People don't prank call me.

What color are your nails painted?   
They're not.

Do you draw on yourself?   
Not usually.

Do you pick your nose?   
I make it so I can breathe in the morning lol.

Would you do it in front of people?   
No.

Ever had sex in public?   
No.

Who was the last person that called you?
My mom.