I hate art. And I hate artists.

"...ever since I started [school], every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I hate my life. I don't even want to talk about my days anymore. All I do in my free time is cry. I have cried more in the last 7 days than I have the last 7 years of my life. And going home isn't an option. I am so miserable here, and the longer I stay here the more I suffer. And as if it can't get anymore worse, it does. There absolutely nothing here that gives me hope. I'm almost to the point that I'm so miserable and unhappy and hopeless and desperate that I want to die. If I can't go home, I see no other alternative. There is no way I'm going to suffer through this much longer. And I keep trying to talk to mom into letting me drop out, but she keeps saying that I've already "committed" and that I have to give it a try. So, now I'm forced to stay here completely against my will. This is the biggest regret of my life.

I don't understand why nobody sees just how bad this is for me. I've cried to my mom on the phone the last two nights in a row, and I don't want to cry to Nana, but if I have to, I will. It took me the longest time to gather the courage to call mom (she was leaving me angry voicemails to answer my phone or call her back because I hadn't been answering the phone to her or dad because I was too busy crying). And that was the first time I talked to her in a few days and I was sobbing and crying my eyes out and then I made her cry, but that didn't even convince her. I hate to admit when I'm crying and I NEVER let people see (or in this case "hear") me cry. But I had to because I'm desperate. I'm almost desperate enough to buy a bus ticket home except that I wouldn't be able to bring all of my things...

I haven't been eating and I know I've lost weight, and all I ever feel like doing is throwing up (but I can't since I don't eat anymore). Everyone can tell I'm depressed even though I'm trying to hide it. And I hate that. I hate everything. I have GOT to go home. This isn't good for my health (not that I care about my health). It's so unbearable here. If there is anywhere that can break your spirit, it's here. I'm completely lost.