Save me from myself

Four days and a call that didn't come through
Cold air and a love that never grew

So why'd you keep me around?
why'd you keep me around?
Just stumbling in the dark, dear
Just stumbling in the dark

Four months and a man walks up to you
Forget every lie, just tell the truth

Why'd you keep him around?
why'd you keep him around?
Just stumbling in the dark, dear
Just stumbling in the dark

Four years and a new man falls for you
So why fight it when you think you might love him too?

Old habits die hard or never do
Keep lying 'till they all catch up to you

But you should keep him around
You should keep him around
Don't throw him in the dark, dear
Don't throw him in the dark

I've gotten what I wanted for long enough. I deserve whatever comes my way because I got myself into this mess. I dug these holes. So when I'm feeling sad, it's easier to just embrace it. I don't know how to make everything right, but I can try.

Air

The thought of you makes me so damn scared.


I've been building playlist after playlist because music is all I have.

If you're a wolf, then I'm a witch

I'm selfishly connected to my changing mind.

What has my life become? Seriously?

Why is this such a constant struggle for me? I'm feeling anxious and guilty again, and I haven't even done anything this time!

I just really don't want to talk about this because I'm so worried that nothing is truly secret. And I'm getting tired of having secrets.

You know those repetitive phrases: Hate breeds hate. Hurt people hurt people.

We tend to defend ourselves against what hurt us by fighting fire with fire. Can you really hate a wolf for responding accordingly? It's easy to lose your softness when it's taken advantage of, and it's not a conscious decision; it just happens.

It's like that thing I say: it happened so slowly I thought it had always been this way.

I know I haven't always been this way. And, hey, I still have a guilty conscious, so the softness isn't all gone, right? But god damn am I good at feigning it. They all think I'm pink and perfect.

Well you can't wait, and I can't change. Apologies endless for ending this way.

I looked so close
it's been month's who knows
if I...
will get this right

Libra

Make a deal; trade your soul for certainty.
I've got the devil on my shoulder and an angel at my feet.
Don't need that look; don't need that bible fairytale of what I've done, who I've become.
Oh I'm well aware but I'm so far in it

So sad that I'm the hint of life in your deserving eye
When every minute you spend hoping for love and respect brings me closer to goodbye.
The time will come you find out who I really am,
And we'll pretend that we'll be friends
Oh, when I do lie, you'd only last a little while.

The evidence keeps on building, and I'm sinking in defense
Will a measurement of intentions come, a guilty conscience
So let the air tip the scales
Let's go; one honest judge decide
And you will find the facts weigh down to favor you in time

What to do, oh, what to do now
Do I say it out loud--
What to do, oh, what to do now
--that I'm bound to back out?
What to do, oh, what to do now
Told me you wouldn't stay... It's easy that way.

- - - - - - -



I know you're probably going to see this sometime because you have been trying to find this blog ever since I told you I have one. I thought for a moment that you had succeeded. The parallels here are just too weird, and I can't explain that because it reveals too much that would ruin what I've kept hidden even on this blog. So anyway. Fuck it. I'm probably going to give you the link eventually. The trade-off is I probably won't talk about you here. And maybe I don't need to because I don't know whose eyes are prying.