This Time

I want to say I've never felt this way before, but I have.

I want to say this time is different and that it won't end the same... This I can't predict. But I can hope.

I hope my doubts are wrong.

La La La

Good things are happening...

I've just been trying to figure out how to break it to you.

Ugh (a word I rarely use anymore)I really want to talk about this. And while I do have the time to now, I'm just too tired to exert much energy into talking about things. I just don't think you understand how into it I get when I type these things. The long ones anyway.

I took 2 out of 3 of my finals today. The 3rd and hardest exam of my entire college career as of yet is in two days. Bring. It. On.

I went to Bill's house finally! It's so cool. He and Pat are just the coolest people ever. I have the coolest family. I'll talk more about it later (or will I...? I say that a lot these days and never revisit aforementioned issues and events...).

Don't come over tonight

Love, I'm losing that feeling.

I have so much on my mind, and I just want to take the weight off by dumping it all here.

I think I'm finally over P.

Probably because A came along.

And I really actually genuinely really, really like-like A a lot.

And I get sad thinking that this will probably end the same way...

I thought N was over me. I thought he had something going with this other girl.

But he still texts me calling me pet names and asking if we can hang out and catch up.

No.

I think he is going to go to the show next weekend... Gonna be totes awk. I hope he brings a friend because I won't be there for him (and I know he'll be there for me because he doesn't even know those bands). In fact, I'll probably.be spending a lot of time with A, and he me.

I supppose if N isn't over me at this point, this  will be painful. But fuck. It's not my fault anymore. It has been eight months... That's plenty of time, right?

I guess I'm not one to talk what with how long I was hung up on P, but at least I let someone else come along and more than temporarily take that place in my heart. It was only when P came back that he started digging his little niche back into place...

Again, I've found someone to take that place. And although we've never acknowledged it directly, it's very obviously completely mutual.

I need to sleep now.

Brainwashed

It was a futuristic world. I got there by walking through a field. Everyone was brainwashed, including all of my friends. They tried to brainwash me. The person in charge of it, obviously also brainwashed, was a girl, I guess my age, however old I was, who I was also one of my friends. She tried to brainwash me, but I ran. I ran back into the old world on the other side of the field, but she followed me. I got away, but it was close. I went back into the future world. I was in a dark computer lab, and I was able to to get into the girl's master account. It was easy, since everyone was brainwashed, all I had to do was click on it. No one else would have thought to do that. They were programmed not to. I was going to deactivate everyone's brainwashed-ness whatever it's called, but it was a command prompt, and I didn't have time to figure it out. People were coming so I hid in a corner. It was a class coming in. One of the students, a former friend, saw me. He was about to tell the teacher, but I made "no" gestures and he actually listened, much to my surprised. He came and sat by me instead, not saying anything. The teacher, of course, saw me anyway. But he was a chill dude. Thought I was just taking a break. I left the room and ended up in some sort skyrise high-tech apartment room. It had lots of glass walls. I was in a balcony/bedroom when two little girls ran in. I told them not to tell anyone I was there. They ran out. I was in another room, when a butler found me. He called me "Doctor" and said the lady of the house was looking for me. When I found her, she asked me how her daughter was doing. I looked her daughter, the younger of the two, and told the mother her daughter would be okay. Just a common cold. I knew this from my old ways, but the brainwashed world must not have highly developed medicine yet. I was offered a snack or something, and when I went to throw away the trash, the butler stopped me and threw it on the floor, it was then absorbed into the floor and it disappeared (like in Smart House lol). I apologetically explained "old ways." And the Butler understood and said he does it too sometimes. He then threw his trash out the window/door to the balcony. It dissolved in the air.

This should not be this hard

Trying to register for classes alone is making me regret coming to this school. Just registering is more difficult, frustrating, and stressful than any class I've had. At Memphis it may have been chaotic and unorganized, but at least I got the shit done in one day and it was over with and settled and set in stone and everything was fucking fine and dandy. I've been dealing with my schedule 3 weeks now. I need permission to get into my important classes, and to do that I was told to contact the instructors for the classes, but that's kinda really fucking hard to do when my emails go ignored for weeks. I'm going to go find these people in person on Monday and HOPEFULLY finally get this shit settled because I swear I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Other than that, I guess I'm going to spend the rest of my night working on my final projects. I'm tired of being stressed, and I guess coloring for hours will help with that.